Validation

Almost 20 years ago, after I graduated from college and pissed away my dreams of moving to New York to work in publishing while living in a cracker box, I took my second nightmarish sales job in 3 months.  Once again, I found myself working for the kind of pervert who inadvertently taught me how to concoct creative lies to get me out of going into work.  But he also taught me something that I've used in every job since then, and more and more lately in everything I do:  he taught me customer service.

It's a shame to me that even sales people no longer seem to know the basic rules of customer service, for I truly believe that we should be required as humans to provide customer service in life.  See, the first rule of customer service is so simple, and yet soooooooooo critical.  It is that you must first validate the concern.  Someone comes into your store screaming about how the product you sold him yesterday broke today already?  You say, "I can totally understand why you are upset, sir."  His response?  He stops screaming.  I mean, what else is he going to do?  You just told him that he's right.  (This skill is very closely related to having empathy, but I don't have time to write that novel tonight - - Mini Me is waiting to cuddle and read together.)

Validation means everything.  You all know what I'm talking about!  When you're venting because your husband just left his dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor again, the LAST thing you want your BFF to say is, "Well, maybe he forgot."  And you'll probably be just as irked if she says, "Well, you shouldn't let it get to you."  What you want to hear is this: "OMG - I would be so pissed!!!"

So this morning, when I called my Childhood Twin to vent about a situation I prefer not to go into right now, and she responded by telling me that I am completely in the right and the person about whom I was venting is seriously, totally, way-over-the-line, completely in the wrong, I literally started sobbing.  THAT is how good it felt to be validated.  The fact that a bit later over coffee, my soul-mate-minister-counselor friend also validated me - with almost girlfriend-like vehemence - just made my day fabulous.  And I was thus able to let go of the source of my frustration/anger/disgust/insanity.

Ironically, the reason the source has always been such an excruciatingly irritating source of such frustration/anger/disgust/insanity is his absolute and total LACK of validation in every situation.  But now he's history - and I'm floating in a luxurious sea of constant validation from fabulous friends.  Thank you, God!