If there is one thing I need to figure out - SOON - it's how to conquer this beast. No matter how much I psych myself up, I can't seem to beat him. His fiendishly beady little eyes are always staring me down, and I end up cowering in a corner rather than shoving past him.
I started reading about how to overcome this evil monster, and the ideas sound GREAT. But I can't talk about it right now -- I'll have to fill you in later.
Lol.
I'm off to actually GET SOMETHING DONE. (Something = laundry, dishes, and surface cleaning sufficient that my sister will not be grossed out when she arrives this evening.) Happy New Year everyone!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Blowing Out Candles
Two weeks ago I helped my beautiful, no-longer-a-baby boy blow out his first birthday candles. (One candle actually - blown out twice because I think birthdays should be celebrated for as long as possible!) Once when I was a kid and I loved Mom's heavenly decadent chocolate pudding/ice cream dessert, my grandmother insisted I could not just have this mousse-like stuff for my birthday - - I MUST have a cake on which to blow out candles. So, bless her heart, she made me a cake. (This year - for the record - my mother simply stuck candles directly into the dessert, as it is still my favorite.)
Blowing out candles on your birthday is not just a tradition - - it's a necessity - - because it's not really about the candles. It's all about the WISH. Maybe my one-year-old was incapable of making his own wish, but I know that the friends and family surrounding him were bursting with wishes for him: another happy year, good health, grins and giggles everyday... And when he IS capable of blowing and wishing on his own, he will. In fact, if anyone else "accidentally" were to blow out his candles someday, I'd re-light them so that he could - independently - extinguish his own flickering little flames and wish his little heart out.
Fifteen years ago this was my issue. No - not birthday candles. Something even bigger.
Fifteen years ago my ex-husband and I were planning our wedding, and we both agreed that we wanted to include the lighting of a unity candle in our ceremony. Never mind the fact that the minister did not want to do it for reasons irrelevant to this story -- and never mind that when I begged my ex to open his freaking mouth for once and stick up for me so I would not have to be the one arguing about something HE also wanted, he once again kept his mouth shut (so as not to look like the "bad guy") and let me cry and battle all on my own - a story I related to mother through sobs later, punctuating it with the confession that my ex made me feel like shit when he did this (which was often) and to which she responded, "It's a guy thing. Just deal with it." Which I did. Because that's what I was told to do. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!
But the point is that the minister finally agreed, and we planned out how we would light a unity candle.
This, by the way, is where the story becomes both like and very much UN-like birthday candles.
Following the joint lighting of the unity candle - obviously symbolizing our uniting in marriage, bringing our lives together - I wished to symbolically leave our individual candles lit. Helllooooooooo - - you're still a PERSON after you're married aren't you? A person committed to marriage to another person, sure, but still ONE PERSON. It's not as if they surgically sew you together like Siamese twins! So I wanted to leave my own beautiful candle blazing - as a symbolic wish for my own identity within the bonds of matrimony. But the minister insisted that we extinguish our individual candles. And of course my ex's response? Nothing. Why would he argue about that?!? In fact, he didn't seem to have any problem with the fact that the minister then went on to tell my ex, "If she doesn't blow out her own candle, you blow it out for her."
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Well, you can guess what I did.
Nope. I wasn't that strong back then. And this is exactly why forty HAS to be the beginning of a whole new life because I wasted sooooooooo much of my previous life trying like hell just to please everyone in order to do the "right" thing (and being hideously miserable doing it).
No - I did as I was told. So during the wedding ceremony, when it came time to light the unity candle, I joined my flame with new husband's, lifted my individual candle to my lips, and extinguished my own candle . All by myself. I actually made that choice.
But it didn't matter. The next two and a half years were such a struggle - trying to understand why my ex shot daggers through me when I made little suggestions such as, "Could you put that vase of flowers one shelf higher?" or, "Why don't you move the cart in front of you so the clerk can load the groceries into it?" - trying to encourage him to get a life of his own instead of making me feel guilty for getting involved with friends and activities so that I always had to let him tag along. And I finally realized it was because I felt like I had no identity. I was simply "Mike's wife," just as the unity candle ceremony had symbolized I would be.
So I asked him for a separation.
I thought if I could just be on my own for a while, I could finally figure out who I was as a person - something I'd never yet done and felt a suffocatingly desperate need to do. I asked him to go stay with friends for a little while - just give me some space to not be dependent on him. Let me know what it was like to wake up each day on my own and have to navigate through my life without the security marriage afforded me.
But he said no.
He really had blown out my candle.
We worked on things - and they did get better - - on the surface. We were no longer arguing - he wasn't shooting daggers through me just for breathing. But I wasn't happy. Deep down, I was excrutiatingly lonely and miserable - still. So this time when I asked for a separation again, I knew it was for real - and for good.
I was weak. SERIOUSLY weak. And it took me a long time before I was able to make the separation stick, but once I finally realized that I DID want out permanently - that it MUST be over - suddenly life got sooooo much better. In fact, people used to tell me that divorce looked good on me.
I think it was the beautiful, flickering glow of the candle I had re-lit inside myself.
Blowing out candles on your birthday is not just a tradition - - it's a necessity - - because it's not really about the candles. It's all about the WISH. Maybe my one-year-old was incapable of making his own wish, but I know that the friends and family surrounding him were bursting with wishes for him: another happy year, good health, grins and giggles everyday... And when he IS capable of blowing and wishing on his own, he will. In fact, if anyone else "accidentally" were to blow out his candles someday, I'd re-light them so that he could - independently - extinguish his own flickering little flames and wish his little heart out.
Fifteen years ago this was my issue. No - not birthday candles. Something even bigger.
Fifteen years ago my ex-husband and I were planning our wedding, and we both agreed that we wanted to include the lighting of a unity candle in our ceremony. Never mind the fact that the minister did not want to do it for reasons irrelevant to this story -- and never mind that when I begged my ex to open his freaking mouth for once and stick up for me so I would not have to be the one arguing about something HE also wanted, he once again kept his mouth shut (so as not to look like the "bad guy") and let me cry and battle all on my own - a story I related to mother through sobs later, punctuating it with the confession that my ex made me feel like shit when he did this (which was often) and to which she responded, "It's a guy thing. Just deal with it." Which I did. Because that's what I was told to do. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!
But the point is that the minister finally agreed, and we planned out how we would light a unity candle.
This, by the way, is where the story becomes both like and very much UN-like birthday candles.
Following the joint lighting of the unity candle - obviously symbolizing our uniting in marriage, bringing our lives together - I wished to symbolically leave our individual candles lit. Helllooooooooo - - you're still a PERSON after you're married aren't you? A person committed to marriage to another person, sure, but still ONE PERSON. It's not as if they surgically sew you together like Siamese twins! So I wanted to leave my own beautiful candle blazing - as a symbolic wish for my own identity within the bonds of matrimony. But the minister insisted that we extinguish our individual candles. And of course my ex's response? Nothing. Why would he argue about that?!? In fact, he didn't seem to have any problem with the fact that the minister then went on to tell my ex, "If she doesn't blow out her own candle, you blow it out for her."
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Well, you can guess what I did.
Nope. I wasn't that strong back then. And this is exactly why forty HAS to be the beginning of a whole new life because I wasted sooooooooo much of my previous life trying like hell just to please everyone in order to do the "right" thing (and being hideously miserable doing it).
No - I did as I was told. So during the wedding ceremony, when it came time to light the unity candle, I joined my flame with new husband's, lifted my individual candle to my lips, and extinguished my own candle . All by myself. I actually made that choice.
But it didn't matter. The next two and a half years were such a struggle - trying to understand why my ex shot daggers through me when I made little suggestions such as, "Could you put that vase of flowers one shelf higher?" or, "Why don't you move the cart in front of you so the clerk can load the groceries into it?" - trying to encourage him to get a life of his own instead of making me feel guilty for getting involved with friends and activities so that I always had to let him tag along. And I finally realized it was because I felt like I had no identity. I was simply "Mike's wife," just as the unity candle ceremony had symbolized I would be.
So I asked him for a separation.
I thought if I could just be on my own for a while, I could finally figure out who I was as a person - something I'd never yet done and felt a suffocatingly desperate need to do. I asked him to go stay with friends for a little while - just give me some space to not be dependent on him. Let me know what it was like to wake up each day on my own and have to navigate through my life without the security marriage afforded me.
But he said no.
He really had blown out my candle.
We worked on things - and they did get better - - on the surface. We were no longer arguing - he wasn't shooting daggers through me just for breathing. But I wasn't happy. Deep down, I was excrutiatingly lonely and miserable - still. So this time when I asked for a separation again, I knew it was for real - and for good.
I was weak. SERIOUSLY weak. And it took me a long time before I was able to make the separation stick, but once I finally realized that I DID want out permanently - that it MUST be over - suddenly life got sooooo much better. In fact, people used to tell me that divorce looked good on me.
I think it was the beautiful, flickering glow of the candle I had re-lit inside myself.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
So here it is...
I tend to get depressed. I believe this is a hereditary condition, linked directly to the ADD my sis and I believe we inherited from our mother. Couple this with several lousy romantic relationships in a row, and I've spent a LOT of time in the past few years glued to the couch. I've even had days where I've over indulged in margaritas or wine or whatever alcoholic beverage may be lurking ominously on my counter or in the fridge (after I shipped Mini Me off to my parents, confessing to a desperate need to just be alone), flung myself prostrate on the couch, and attempted to watch a series of pathetic B movies through tears and sobs. My brain aids this process by providing ample negative thoughts and unwillingness to perceive life as positive in any way. And so I've wasted way too much of my life simply agonizing over life.
But this hasn't happened in a long time.
In fact, the last time I remember sobbing uncontrollably and drinking excessively starting early in the afternoon was all the way back in the beginning of September when I had the eight hundred and seventy-third conversation with Little Man's sperm donor in which he viciously thrust verbal daggers straight into my heart. So that's like - three and a half months ago! Which is a RECORD, I think.
And despite the fact that I do still tend to enjoy more wine than I probably should (the recommended single glass each day can frequently be a couple of glasses), I am decidedly NOT depressed lately - also despite the fact that things have NOT improved with the SD.
But things have improved with ME.
Choosing to embrace 40 rather than agonize over it has been a significant victory. People have always SAID that "it's all in how you look at things," but come on - - we all know that it's easy to believe that stuff in good times and say, "#@*$ that" when things get tough. And yet I have found that it works. It requires effort -- frequently a heck of a lot of effort that I just don't feel like squeezing out -- but it IS in fact possible to make life better by perceiving it differently.
The big challenge for me has been letting go of my idealistic belief that people are innately good. Don't get me wrong - - I do still think that people ARE good deep down. But way too often their goodness is buried beneath eight billion pounds of steaming, stinking CRAP - and no matter how strong your stomach (or your nose), you just can't dig through that kind of shit alone. What dumbfounds me is that people would choose to REMAIN buried beneath so much disgusting doo doo - - - but I guess after a while they get used to the smell and the weight of it, and they just don't feel like climbing their way out.
So that's their choice.
The SD is one of those people. And as much as I desperately wanted to dig him out, I have accepted that he chooses to remain buried. I'm even becoming less frustrated that he doesn't even seem to realize that he IS, in fact, wallowing in a vat of total CRAP. The important thing is that I chose to climb out of my OWN steaming, stinking pile.
Yeah - I step in it again every so often. But I've learned how to wash it off, thank GOD, and I'm learning how to avoid it. My friends - my children - my family - my new business - my teaching..... they've all become shit shields, so to speak, and I actually feel fairly well protected. Still - - when some of that disgusting dung oozes its way through the cracks and contaminates my existence again, I don't linger in it. I allow myself a good cry for a few moments, but then I get up and head to the showers, making sure to scrub every crack and crevice - even behind my ears - and especially my belly button (you know how the stuff that gets in there is super stubborn and gets all crusty and almost cement-like if you don't clean it out immediately).
So despite the fact that life is FAR from perfect (even though I apparently make it look "picture perfect" on Facebook, according to a childhood friend), I can honestly say that I have - FINALLY - become a happy person. And - I might add- I've done it without drugs!!
So now that I've gotten totally real and confessed my agonizing secret, I'll start sharing more about how I've conquered.... Wait - no - that's a lie. I'll share how I continually battle, and generally win against that beast we call depression.
It's definitely a daily pursuit. But it does get easier everyday. And it feels really good to be on the downside (and upwind). So even as I write about this horrifyingly personal issue, I feel good enough that I'm not afraid to hit the "Publish Post" button.
Really. I'm not afraid.
Maybe slightly hesitant....
And a weeeeeeee bit paranoid about who might read it (particularly that psycho stalker that I had to cut out of my life a little over a month ago).........
But not so much that I'm going to hit "Save Now" instead and think about it for a very long time before I go back and revise and edit and revise some more. No - really - I'm going to post it.
I am.
Deep breath.
Ok - here goes!
But this hasn't happened in a long time.
In fact, the last time I remember sobbing uncontrollably and drinking excessively starting early in the afternoon was all the way back in the beginning of September when I had the eight hundred and seventy-third conversation with Little Man's sperm donor in which he viciously thrust verbal daggers straight into my heart. So that's like - three and a half months ago! Which is a RECORD, I think.
And despite the fact that I do still tend to enjoy more wine than I probably should (the recommended single glass each day can frequently be a couple of glasses), I am decidedly NOT depressed lately - also despite the fact that things have NOT improved with the SD.
But things have improved with ME.
Choosing to embrace 40 rather than agonize over it has been a significant victory. People have always SAID that "it's all in how you look at things," but come on - - we all know that it's easy to believe that stuff in good times and say, "#@*$ that" when things get tough. And yet I have found that it works. It requires effort -- frequently a heck of a lot of effort that I just don't feel like squeezing out -- but it IS in fact possible to make life better by perceiving it differently.
The big challenge for me has been letting go of my idealistic belief that people are innately good. Don't get me wrong - - I do still think that people ARE good deep down. But way too often their goodness is buried beneath eight billion pounds of steaming, stinking CRAP - and no matter how strong your stomach (or your nose), you just can't dig through that kind of shit alone. What dumbfounds me is that people would choose to REMAIN buried beneath so much disgusting doo doo - - - but I guess after a while they get used to the smell and the weight of it, and they just don't feel like climbing their way out.
So that's their choice.
The SD is one of those people. And as much as I desperately wanted to dig him out, I have accepted that he chooses to remain buried. I'm even becoming less frustrated that he doesn't even seem to realize that he IS, in fact, wallowing in a vat of total CRAP. The important thing is that I chose to climb out of my OWN steaming, stinking pile.
Yeah - I step in it again every so often. But I've learned how to wash it off, thank GOD, and I'm learning how to avoid it. My friends - my children - my family - my new business - my teaching..... they've all become shit shields, so to speak, and I actually feel fairly well protected. Still - - when some of that disgusting dung oozes its way through the cracks and contaminates my existence again, I don't linger in it. I allow myself a good cry for a few moments, but then I get up and head to the showers, making sure to scrub every crack and crevice - even behind my ears - and especially my belly button (you know how the stuff that gets in there is super stubborn and gets all crusty and almost cement-like if you don't clean it out immediately).
So despite the fact that life is FAR from perfect (even though I apparently make it look "picture perfect" on Facebook, according to a childhood friend), I can honestly say that I have - FINALLY - become a happy person. And - I might add- I've done it without drugs!!
So now that I've gotten totally real and confessed my agonizing secret, I'll start sharing more about how I've conquered.... Wait - no - that's a lie. I'll share how I continually battle, and generally win against that beast we call depression.
It's definitely a daily pursuit. But it does get easier everyday. And it feels really good to be on the downside (and upwind). So even as I write about this horrifyingly personal issue, I feel good enough that I'm not afraid to hit the "Publish Post" button.
Really. I'm not afraid.
Maybe slightly hesitant....
And a weeeeeeee bit paranoid about who might read it (particularly that psycho stalker that I had to cut out of my life a little over a month ago).........
But not so much that I'm going to hit "Save Now" instead and think about it for a very long time before I go back and revise and edit and revise some more. No - really - I'm going to post it.
I am.
Deep breath.
Ok - here goes!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I'm sooooo not in the mood...
to write! And the funny thing is, I think that's because I'm just enjoying LIVING right now. Mini Me got a Wii for Christmas, and we've spent three days canoeing, sword fighting, jet skiing, skydiving, bowling... and laughing! I'm sore all over - tired - and just plain disinterested in writing about it. And that is the coolest thing ever! The past week has been so completely fulfilling that I want to just be in every moment - - not have to take time out to blog about it.
Tomorrow will be intense, though. Tomorrow I'm going to start getting real. Not that I've been fake in my blogs - - but I've left out a lot of the real and focused solely on the fabulous. The truth is that there are a lot of aspects to life that are decidedly UNfabulous - and sometimes I have to work hard to turn them around. I think now it's time to start talking about that.
Well, tomorrow anyway.
Tonight I'm going to continue savoring the last lingering drops of Christmas deliciousness. Mini Me leaves tomorrow, and we won't have a chance to just hang out together again for a week - so I can't spare any more time for writing about my life. Right now it's time to actually LIVE.
Tomorrow will be intense, though. Tomorrow I'm going to start getting real. Not that I've been fake in my blogs - - but I've left out a lot of the real and focused solely on the fabulous. The truth is that there are a lot of aspects to life that are decidedly UNfabulous - and sometimes I have to work hard to turn them around. I think now it's time to start talking about that.
Well, tomorrow anyway.
Tonight I'm going to continue savoring the last lingering drops of Christmas deliciousness. Mini Me leaves tomorrow, and we won't have a chance to just hang out together again for a week - so I can't spare any more time for writing about my life. Right now it's time to actually LIVE.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Just can't do it...
There's been such a whirlwind of activity the past few days - much of it out of town - that I just can't bring myself to spend significant time at the computer. And THAT is what is fabulous right now -- I'm indulging with my family in the spirit of Christmas.
After the holiday, I'll return. Until then, have a beautiful, blessed holiday!!
After the holiday, I'll return. Until then, have a beautiful, blessed holiday!!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Church
This morning Mini Me donned her pretty Christmas dress to wear to church. That alone - seeing her all dressed up and feeling so pretty - is enough to make my day fabulous, but today was special because she and I played two Christmas duets at church, and then she played a solo. It is so freaking cool that my daughter and I can play the piano together! It feels good to be on that bench with her - - especially since I kind of "lost" my piano playing until now, and I'm so glad to have found it again.
But the best part about playing in church is the church itself. Not the building - - the people. Our church family. The group of people who clapped and praised and sang along and genuinely loved hearing us (especially Mini Me) play today.
This is the church I grew up in. It's a very small, family church - - and I mean SMALL. There are only 40 or so people in church on a typical Sunday. But because it's so small, it truly is a family. During the "passing of the peace," everyone shakes everyone else's hand. (Or rather bumps elbows, as some have taken to doing in fear of contracting a fatal disease, apparently.) "Joys and concerns" time is conversational. In fact, when Little Man walked down the side aisle and headed right around the front pew, my s-m-m-c stopped right in the middle of the sermon to tell my dad that it was fine to let him wander. THAT is what an intimate environment it is.
I feel truly at home there. Like Cheers. Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. And there, they do. And it feels REALLY fabulous.
But the best part about playing in church is the church itself. Not the building - - the people. Our church family. The group of people who clapped and praised and sang along and genuinely loved hearing us (especially Mini Me) play today.
This is the church I grew up in. It's a very small, family church - - and I mean SMALL. There are only 40 or so people in church on a typical Sunday. But because it's so small, it truly is a family. During the "passing of the peace," everyone shakes everyone else's hand. (Or rather bumps elbows, as some have taken to doing in fear of contracting a fatal disease, apparently.) "Joys and concerns" time is conversational. In fact, when Little Man walked down the side aisle and headed right around the front pew, my s-m-m-c stopped right in the middle of the sermon to tell my dad that it was fine to let him wander. THAT is what an intimate environment it is.
I feel truly at home there. Like Cheers. Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. And there, they do. And it feels REALLY fabulous.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
ALWAYS busy!
Ok - so I'm convinced that this new business I've started is going to make my life WAY more fabulous - - by making me some awesome $$$!! I went to a meeting today and met the CEO, my distributor, and several other representatives - - all of whom are fabulous. And the fact that my friends ordered $400 worth of merchandise last night just makes it all that much better. Oh my gosh - - Miche Bags are my new great love!
Good thing because I don't think men will EVER be.
But that's another story. ;o)
Good thing because I don't think men will EVER be.
But that's another story. ;o)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
So Many Things!
Where do I even start? I have to do the abbreviated version because Little Man is wiggling on my lap and slapping at the computer while his sister hollers from the other room, wanting her cuddle time with Mom. So here goes:
LOVE my new Miche Bags!
Had a SUPER fun time celebrating Little Man's b-day at the "playground" at the mall and with my sis - - especially thought it was funny when naked baby peed on the lower shelf of her coffee table after devouring way too much chocolate cake and even MORE frosting.
Made my first Miche Bag sale!!!
Booked my SECOND Miche Bag show!!!
Got an AWESOME haircut!
Had a fabulous dinner!
And now I'm out -- Little Man is upset that I smacked his hand and he wants some lovin'.
Night, all!
LOVE my new Miche Bags!
Had a SUPER fun time celebrating Little Man's b-day at the "playground" at the mall and with my sis - - especially thought it was funny when naked baby peed on the lower shelf of her coffee table after devouring way too much chocolate cake and even MORE frosting.
Made my first Miche Bag sale!!!
Booked my SECOND Miche Bag show!!!
Got an AWESOME haircut!
Had a fabulous dinner!
And now I'm out -- Little Man is upset that I smacked his hand and he wants some lovin'.
Night, all!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I Love a Variety
SEVERAL things were fabulous about today:
1) All but a handful of my students passed their second exit exam - the essay. Most importantly, the repeat students for whom this was most critical are moving on to the next level. YAY FOR THEM!!! And I managed to enter my grades on time. I can't guarantee I entered everything correctly, but I at least tried to follow the directions for once...
2) Mini Me and I had fun roaming around WalMart for an hour, looking for a $5 grab bag gift for school (thank goodness it was specifically supposed to be a girly gift - - that does make things much simpler), and not once did I get irritated when she had me traipse back and forth from one end of the store to the other - TWICE.
3) The kids and I drove around looking at Christmas lights for a little while on our way home! I even got excited about some of the multi-colored lights I used to LOVE as a kid. :o)
4) I started a blog for my new business as a Miche Bag rep! Then I had oodles of fun creating new business cards - TWO-sided, including pricing info and fourteen mini pics of actual Miche Bags. ;o)
5) The printer did not spit streaks of excess ink all over my gorgeous new cards, nor did it jam, run out of ink, or break down altogether. (This is probably the most miraculous aspect of today.)
6) I talked with Little Man's sperm donor for 47 minutes and 1 second and my head did not explode. (There's a lot to this story that I am still hesitant to discuss on a blog which centers around making my life fabulous -- the story is decidedly UNfabulous. But what is fabulous is my ability to move on from it. WOO HOO!!) In fact, I don't think I even raised my voice. At least not too much.
7) I actually remembered to check the front porch, so that the box containing the Christmas gifts I'd ordered for Mini Me didn't end up being stolen overnight. (I'm forty now. Remembering stuff IS a big deal.)
8) And all this activity prevented me from eating excess amounts of Christmas cookies or cheese. (Lately I've been a cheese freak - melted on tortilla chips, spread on crackers, piled on pizza... I can feel my arteries clogging as I write.)
So it was definitely a fabulous day. 100%. :o)
1) All but a handful of my students passed their second exit exam - the essay. Most importantly, the repeat students for whom this was most critical are moving on to the next level. YAY FOR THEM!!! And I managed to enter my grades on time. I can't guarantee I entered everything correctly, but I at least tried to follow the directions for once...
2) Mini Me and I had fun roaming around WalMart for an hour, looking for a $5 grab bag gift for school (thank goodness it was specifically supposed to be a girly gift - - that does make things much simpler), and not once did I get irritated when she had me traipse back and forth from one end of the store to the other - TWICE.
3) The kids and I drove around looking at Christmas lights for a little while on our way home! I even got excited about some of the multi-colored lights I used to LOVE as a kid. :o)
4) I started a blog for my new business as a Miche Bag rep! Then I had oodles of fun creating new business cards - TWO-sided, including pricing info and fourteen mini pics of actual Miche Bags. ;o)
5) The printer did not spit streaks of excess ink all over my gorgeous new cards, nor did it jam, run out of ink, or break down altogether. (This is probably the most miraculous aspect of today.)
6) I talked with Little Man's sperm donor for 47 minutes and 1 second and my head did not explode. (There's a lot to this story that I am still hesitant to discuss on a blog which centers around making my life fabulous -- the story is decidedly UNfabulous. But what is fabulous is my ability to move on from it. WOO HOO!!) In fact, I don't think I even raised my voice. At least not too much.
7) I actually remembered to check the front porch, so that the box containing the Christmas gifts I'd ordered for Mini Me didn't end up being stolen overnight. (I'm forty now. Remembering stuff IS a big deal.)
8) And all this activity prevented me from eating excess amounts of Christmas cookies or cheese. (Lately I've been a cheese freak - melted on tortilla chips, spread on crackers, piled on pizza... I can feel my arteries clogging as I write.)
So it was definitely a fabulous day. 100%. :o)
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friends and Family
I love the Christmas season. It gets me all warm and fuzzy and soft and weepy with joy. So being back at my old church this morning - exchanging hugs and warm greetings and quick "catch up" stories with wonderful people whom I don't see nearly often enough - was a an especially great warm fuzzy moment. But watching my beautiful daughter grinning beneath her chef's hat as she recited her lines so clearly and distinctly with appropriate pauses and expressive gestures was one of those particularly weepy moments that makes me all giddy and proud. By noon I'd already had a fabulous day!
But today was a double whammy of joy because the people who've been most significant in Little Man's young life all gathered at my parents' house to celebrate his first birthday this afternoon - - and he had an absolute BALL. What could be more heartwarming and giddyifying (yes - it's a word - now, anyway!) than watching your active, exuberant toddler light up over every gift so generously given and every crumb of chocolate cupcake he so ravenously inhaled? No - he won't remember it later on when I really need him to remember that at least once in his life he was deliriously happy being around his mother and extended family instead of locked in his room playing video games -- but all that really matters is that today - for about four hours straight - he had the time of his life. I know - - toddlers are easily entertained. But that doesn't make seeing his ginormous grin (thanks to my high school students for that perfect descriptive word) any less gratifying.
Today was absolutely fabulous thanks to my children - my family - and my friends. I could not be more blessed.
But today was a double whammy of joy because the people who've been most significant in Little Man's young life all gathered at my parents' house to celebrate his first birthday this afternoon - - and he had an absolute BALL. What could be more heartwarming and giddyifying (yes - it's a word - now, anyway!) than watching your active, exuberant toddler light up over every gift so generously given and every crumb of chocolate cupcake he so ravenously inhaled? No - he won't remember it later on when I really need him to remember that at least once in his life he was deliriously happy being around his mother and extended family instead of locked in his room playing video games -- but all that really matters is that today - for about four hours straight - he had the time of his life. I know - - toddlers are easily entertained. But that doesn't make seeing his ginormous grin (thanks to my high school students for that perfect descriptive word) any less gratifying.
Today was absolutely fabulous thanks to my children - my family - and my friends. I could not be more blessed.
Friday, December 11, 2009
My Shining Star
I took Mini Me to my Lioness Christmas Party tonight, and on the spur of the moment I asked her to recite her Christmas Story lines from the upcoming Christmas pageant on Sunday. Bless her shy, intimidated, probably-a-wee-bit-resentful little heart - my adorable daughter stood up on a chair (with more than a tiny bit of urging) and spontaneously performed her page-and-a-half monologue in her adorable Southern drawl - even sometimes using her adorable little gestures (albeit tentatively).
I'm not the kind of parent who likes to brag about my kids, but I didn't hold back tonight. I couldn't be more proud.
And no matter how challenging life can be, having her to "cuddle" with at night is "better than a hot bowl of cheese grits on a cold winter's day." Thank you, Paula Queen, for "cookin' up Christmas" for me everyday - - and for showing me what true love really is. Forgive me for mixing my musicals here, but somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good to deserve the miraculous gift this child is to me.
I'm not the kind of parent who likes to brag about my kids, but I didn't hold back tonight. I couldn't be more proud.
And no matter how challenging life can be, having her to "cuddle" with at night is "better than a hot bowl of cheese grits on a cold winter's day." Thank you, Paula Queen, for "cookin' up Christmas" for me everyday - - and for showing me what true love really is. Forgive me for mixing my musicals here, but somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good to deserve the miraculous gift this child is to me.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Ugh.
Paranoia visited me today. I tried to dodge it by running around doing laundry, getting stuff put away, and playing with Little Man, but it wouldn't leave me alone! I escaped to FOUR different stores, but it waited for me in the car, and snuck right back in the house with me when I returned. Luckily, it's scared of the oven, so it skedaddled while I cooked dinner, and it HATES it when I chat with friends, so as long as I've been texting the Queen back and forth this evening, it's been cowering in the corner. In fact, chatting with friends seems to manufacture some sort of invisible protective shield around me, and I'm miraculously starting to feel impervious to its powers.
Ha! In your face, paranoia!
That's the great thing about blankety-blanks like that; they're not so scary when you learn how to deal with them.
Ha! In your face, paranoia!
That's the great thing about blankety-blanks like that; they're not so scary when you learn how to deal with them.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Simple Pleasures
Three things were awesome about today:
1) Mini Me was home from school, and I got to hang out with her ALL DAY.
2) Little Man took two naps on me - - snuggled right in on my chest and slept so peacefully while I indulged in EIGHT episodes of Entourage. (I've barely watched t.v. in months, so just chillin' on the couch like that was a major double bonus.)
3) I talked at length on the phone with three different girlfriends, which made me feel a) super young again, b) giddy in regard to various topics of conversation, and 3) really loved. :o)
I didn't get much work done, but I did invest time into planning a new business venture - a direct sales kind of thing. (Gosh, I just love mixing money making with having fun - and my friend The Queen has definitely taught me that home parties are a TON of fun!) And of course I spent time with the kids. THAT is worth way more than any minor satisfaction I might have from living in a clean, organized house. Besides - I (mostly) cleaned the kitchen yesterday. ;o)
1) Mini Me was home from school, and I got to hang out with her ALL DAY.
2) Little Man took two naps on me - - snuggled right in on my chest and slept so peacefully while I indulged in EIGHT episodes of Entourage. (I've barely watched t.v. in months, so just chillin' on the couch like that was a major double bonus.)
3) I talked at length on the phone with three different girlfriends, which made me feel a) super young again, b) giddy in regard to various topics of conversation, and 3) really loved. :o)
I didn't get much work done, but I did invest time into planning a new business venture - a direct sales kind of thing. (Gosh, I just love mixing money making with having fun - and my friend The Queen has definitely taught me that home parties are a TON of fun!) And of course I spent time with the kids. THAT is worth way more than any minor satisfaction I might have from living in a clean, organized house. Besides - I (mostly) cleaned the kitchen yesterday. ;o)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
SNOW DAY!!
I think snow is fabulous. And since we're in the midst of a major winter storm, that pretty much guarantees my happiness for a couple of days. :o) The fact that Dad snowblows for me makes me (spoiled, yes, I admit) even happier. And of course my super cute, fully-lighted garlands conspire with the snow to make my perfect little Cape Cod that much more adorable, so I get all silly-giddy both inside and out. If you happen to drive by and find me just standing on the sidewalk with my back to the street, grinning foolishly, don't worry that I've finally blown a brain circuit; it simply means that I was exhausted from dancing around the living room to Christmas Carols (Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree is one of my absolute faves!) with my Little Man and decided to take a peaceful moment to cool off and admire how completely the Christmas spirit has now blanketed my home on the outside, too.
It's all about the simple pleasures, after all.
It's all about the simple pleasures, after all.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Validation
Almost 20 years ago, after I graduated from college and pissed away my dreams of moving to New York to work in publishing while living in a cracker box, I took my second nightmarish sales job in 3 months. Once again, I found myself working for the kind of pervert who inadvertently taught me how to concoct creative lies to get me out of going into work. But he also taught me something that I've used in every job since then, and more and more lately in everything I do: he taught me customer service.
It's a shame to me that even sales people no longer seem to know the basic rules of customer service, for I truly believe that we should be required as humans to provide customer service in life. See, the first rule of customer service is so simple, and yet soooooooooo critical. It is that you must first validate the concern. Someone comes into your store screaming about how the product you sold him yesterday broke today already? You say, "I can totally understand why you are upset, sir." His response? He stops screaming. I mean, what else is he going to do? You just told him that he's right. (This skill is very closely related to having empathy, but I don't have time to write that novel tonight - - Mini Me is waiting to cuddle and read together.)
Validation means everything. You all know what I'm talking about! When you're venting because your husband just left his dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor again, the LAST thing you want your BFF to say is, "Well, maybe he forgot." And you'll probably be just as irked if she says, "Well, you shouldn't let it get to you." What you want to hear is this: "OMG - I would be so pissed!!!"
So this morning, when I called my Childhood Twin to vent about a situation I prefer not to go into right now, and she responded by telling me that I am completely in the right and the person about whom I was venting is seriously, totally, way-over-the-line, completely in the wrong, I literally started sobbing. THAT is how good it felt to be validated. The fact that a bit later over coffee, my soul-mate-minister-counselor friend also validated me - with almost girlfriend-like vehemence - just made my day fabulous. And I was thus able to let go of the source of my frustration/anger/disgust/insanity.
Ironically, the reason the source has always been such an excruciatingly irritating source of such frustration/anger/disgust/insanity is his absolute and total LACK of validation in every situation. But now he's history - and I'm floating in a luxurious sea of constant validation from fabulous friends. Thank you, God!
It's a shame to me that even sales people no longer seem to know the basic rules of customer service, for I truly believe that we should be required as humans to provide customer service in life. See, the first rule of customer service is so simple, and yet soooooooooo critical. It is that you must first validate the concern. Someone comes into your store screaming about how the product you sold him yesterday broke today already? You say, "I can totally understand why you are upset, sir." His response? He stops screaming. I mean, what else is he going to do? You just told him that he's right. (This skill is very closely related to having empathy, but I don't have time to write that novel tonight - - Mini Me is waiting to cuddle and read together.)
Validation means everything. You all know what I'm talking about! When you're venting because your husband just left his dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor again, the LAST thing you want your BFF to say is, "Well, maybe he forgot." And you'll probably be just as irked if she says, "Well, you shouldn't let it get to you." What you want to hear is this: "OMG - I would be so pissed!!!"
So this morning, when I called my Childhood Twin to vent about a situation I prefer not to go into right now, and she responded by telling me that I am completely in the right and the person about whom I was venting is seriously, totally, way-over-the-line, completely in the wrong, I literally started sobbing. THAT is how good it felt to be validated. The fact that a bit later over coffee, my soul-mate-minister-counselor friend also validated me - with almost girlfriend-like vehemence - just made my day fabulous. And I was thus able to let go of the source of my frustration/anger/disgust/insanity.
Ironically, the reason the source has always been such an excruciatingly irritating source of such frustration/anger/disgust/insanity is his absolute and total LACK of validation in every situation. But now he's history - and I'm floating in a luxurious sea of constant validation from fabulous friends. Thank you, God!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Too Much Fun
That should be the goal - - to have so much fun that I literally don't have time to write. Unfortunately, that defeats the purpose of challenging myself to write everyday for a year. But this weekend has been the perfect combination of busy and fun -- and having made 20 posts already is a heck of a lot better than I'd been doing before I challenged myself, so I think one of the fabulous things I'm going to do for myself today is forgive me for not being perfect. But I also must thank my sis for asking where yesterday's post is. That means she's paying attention - and that means an awful lot.
So here is my weekend update:
The weekend started with taking Mini Me to the Christmas Walk Friday evening - the highlight of which was trying on ugly Christmas sweaters at the resale shop downtown with Smokin' Hot Neighbor's hubby. They're hosting a party in two weeks for which we are to wear one - the uglier the better. We didn't purchase the Fredricks santa teddy ensemble (complete with Santa hat, of course) that he really wanted, but we did have a LOT of laughs. And I can't wait to see him sporting the red and green plaid ladies' jacket he snagged for the bargain price of less than $5.00!
Mini Me didn't gripe when I dragged her out of bed super early on Saturday to come work at the Lioness Christmas Craft Show. She was my highlight for that - - - she diligently worked the kids' activity table, even when the teenagers who had supposedly volunteered "abandoned" her (her word, through her tears, as she collapsed - exhausted - into bed late that night). I couldn't have been more proud. Of course it was equally thrilling to later see her jumping up and down and wriggling as if electrical jolts were buzzing through her when my friend the Scentsy consultant called to say that Mini Me had won the drawing for a free warmer and three scent bars. "Aren't you glad I made you put in for that?" she chided me. "Aren't you glad I put your name on it?" I responded.
Today was a good church day, followed by Christmas caroling, and a wee bit of "cleaning." (Well, I loaded the dishwasher, which I hate, so that counts. REALLY.) Then we had pizza with my parents; Mini Me rehearsed her extremely lllooooooonnngggg monologue for the Christmas play (she's Paula Queen - a play on Paula Dean - complete with southern drawl and sassy attitude); and Little Man was introduced to his big first birthday gift: a mega playland (which he loved), including 50 plastic balls which are perfect for throwing all over my living room, apparently. We never did turn on Christmas music today, but Mini Me regaled us with several carols on the piano, and I even lit a few candles, turned on all the little white lights, and heated up both of my Scentsy warmers, so we were surrounded by the yummy smells of Christmas, at least.
Now it's time to tuck in Mini Me, and I'm going to finish off my night by watching the rest of my Fa La La La Lifetime cheesy Christmas movie. According to this great work of fiction, it is possible to have 13 sexy, sweet, intelligent men who all live in the same small town. But I suppose we all need to live out our fantasies somehow. ;o)
So here is my weekend update:
The weekend started with taking Mini Me to the Christmas Walk Friday evening - the highlight of which was trying on ugly Christmas sweaters at the resale shop downtown with Smokin' Hot Neighbor's hubby. They're hosting a party in two weeks for which we are to wear one - the uglier the better. We didn't purchase the Fredricks santa teddy ensemble (complete with Santa hat, of course) that he really wanted, but we did have a LOT of laughs. And I can't wait to see him sporting the red and green plaid ladies' jacket he snagged for the bargain price of less than $5.00!
Mini Me didn't gripe when I dragged her out of bed super early on Saturday to come work at the Lioness Christmas Craft Show. She was my highlight for that - - - she diligently worked the kids' activity table, even when the teenagers who had supposedly volunteered "abandoned" her (her word, through her tears, as she collapsed - exhausted - into bed late that night). I couldn't have been more proud. Of course it was equally thrilling to later see her jumping up and down and wriggling as if electrical jolts were buzzing through her when my friend the Scentsy consultant called to say that Mini Me had won the drawing for a free warmer and three scent bars. "Aren't you glad I made you put in for that?" she chided me. "Aren't you glad I put your name on it?" I responded.
Today was a good church day, followed by Christmas caroling, and a wee bit of "cleaning." (Well, I loaded the dishwasher, which I hate, so that counts. REALLY.) Then we had pizza with my parents; Mini Me rehearsed her extremely lllooooooonnngggg monologue for the Christmas play (she's Paula Queen - a play on Paula Dean - complete with southern drawl and sassy attitude); and Little Man was introduced to his big first birthday gift: a mega playland (which he loved), including 50 plastic balls which are perfect for throwing all over my living room, apparently. We never did turn on Christmas music today, but Mini Me regaled us with several carols on the piano, and I even lit a few candles, turned on all the little white lights, and heated up both of my Scentsy warmers, so we were surrounded by the yummy smells of Christmas, at least.
Now it's time to tuck in Mini Me, and I'm going to finish off my night by watching the rest of my Fa La La La Lifetime cheesy Christmas movie. According to this great work of fiction, it is possible to have 13 sexy, sweet, intelligent men who all live in the same small town. But I suppose we all need to live out our fantasies somehow. ;o)
Friday, December 4, 2009
Bonding
My mother volunteered Dad to help me deliver poinsettias yesterday. At least that's what he wanted to stress - that she had volunteered him. But after almost 5 hours of driving around Dixon and spreading good cheer, plus coffee and the best ginger snaps I've ever had and some pretty yummy chili donated by Culver's, Dad was in a pretty great mood and even said to me, "This has been fun."
This is fabulous on several levels.
First, I haven't had the opportunity to hang out with my dad like that in a lllooonnnnggggg time. And any projects we've undertaken together lately have been the kind of home improvement projects that lead to frustration and messes and stress that doesn't end until the project is finally done. There was no mess involved with this one - and we got a LOT of time to just drive and chat.
Second, it's great to get Dad out of the house and doing something other than slaving away for my mother or me.
And third, I'd really like to see him get involved in Kiwanis. My parents were incredible role models for volunteerism while I was growing up, and I think Dad would feel really good about serving the community again. I know it always makes me feel wonderful, and I am eternally grateful for him and Mom having taught me to do it.
The poinsettias were gorgeous. The smiles on the recipients even more beautiful. It was a fabulous day.
This is fabulous on several levels.
First, I haven't had the opportunity to hang out with my dad like that in a lllooonnnnggggg time. And any projects we've undertaken together lately have been the kind of home improvement projects that lead to frustration and messes and stress that doesn't end until the project is finally done. There was no mess involved with this one - and we got a LOT of time to just drive and chat.
Second, it's great to get Dad out of the house and doing something other than slaving away for my mother or me.
And third, I'd really like to see him get involved in Kiwanis. My parents were incredible role models for volunteerism while I was growing up, and I think Dad would feel really good about serving the community again. I know it always makes me feel wonderful, and I am eternally grateful for him and Mom having taught me to do it.
The poinsettias were gorgeous. The smiles on the recipients even more beautiful. It was a fabulous day.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Busy, Busy, Busy!
Yesterday was nonstop school. Of course I had procrastinated about grading papers. When do I NOT put off grading papers?? But I really challenged myself by making lunch plans in the midst of the grading frenzy, and I'm so glad I did -- I had a fabulous time chatting with a beautiful, intelligent, passionate friend with whom I'm realizing I share more and more in common in regard to our passion, I mean. ;o) She is someone whom I respect and admire greatly, and with whom I'd love to spend more time. If she's not just one of those people who is nice to everyone, then I think maybe she likes me, too - so perhaps suggesting a whole dinner would not be out of the question. I don't know if I can get away with drinks and/or a movie, though - - I wouldn't want to scare her off.
I should probably mention that lunch itself was downright gross. The special in the cafeteria was some sort of "salad," meaning iceberg lettuce, which - face it, people! - really shouldn't count as a food, unless you're a rabbit, so I settled for "mac and cheese." Unfortunately, it had obviously been tainted with some sort of creamy-textured-yet-tasteless substance to stretch the "cheese," which tasted scarily similar to Velveeta - though it had a bit more color to it than the homemade Velveeta macaroni my mother used to concoct (with great love, I am certain, which made it more palatable than yesterday's dish).
But no matter. Fabulous company more than compensates for crap food. :o)
After lunch, I somehow managed to scramble to get the rest of my essays graded. But the greatest accomplishment was somehow calming the nerves of a super sweet girl who was literally panicking about retaking the exit exam she had not managed to pass two days earlier. I know I'm not a magician - - these kids have it in themselves all along! - but the encouragement I gave, coupled with the last minute review of some concepts she had diligently been studying for the past 48 hours, somehow eased her mind enough that she did NOT throw up (as she said she had done due to nervousness the night before), but instead earned the TOP SCORE POSSIBLE. I wanted to cry as I watched her jump up and down in excitement, her hands trembling. And to really put the cherry on top of her day, I was able to hand an essay back to her that had a decent grade on it and tell her she was improving her writing tremendously.
It's been a long, rough road this semester, but many of my students are navigating through this last rush of writing activity quite smoothly. THANK GOD!!
I had a momentary panic as I chatted with my last student of the day (she had brought my students' combined passing percentage to 100 - - WOO HOO!!!) when my boss walked in. My mind raced back through everything I'd said and done in the past few days, now panicked myself, thinking I must be in trouble - - but she was merely there to discuss spring classes, and I was even pleasantly surprised to hear that she approached teaching in much the same way I do, by modeling for her students how to approach an exam such as the one my students just took, rather than sending them in blind as many teachers unfortunately do. My heart was still pounding even after she left, though, as it will be EVERY time I encounter a boss from now until I retire, which will not be until I die. (If only I'd figured out I wanted to teach 14 years earlier... *SIGH*!)
Now I'm off to spread Christmas spirit as I deliver poinsettias for the Kiwanis club. My father has volunteered to help - they're serving chili and cookies for lunch - I don't have to grade any essays.... I think it'll be another great day!
I should probably mention that lunch itself was downright gross. The special in the cafeteria was some sort of "salad," meaning iceberg lettuce, which - face it, people! - really shouldn't count as a food, unless you're a rabbit, so I settled for "mac and cheese." Unfortunately, it had obviously been tainted with some sort of creamy-textured-yet-tasteless substance to stretch the "cheese," which tasted scarily similar to Velveeta - though it had a bit more color to it than the homemade Velveeta macaroni my mother used to concoct (with great love, I am certain, which made it more palatable than yesterday's dish).
But no matter. Fabulous company more than compensates for crap food. :o)
After lunch, I somehow managed to scramble to get the rest of my essays graded. But the greatest accomplishment was somehow calming the nerves of a super sweet girl who was literally panicking about retaking the exit exam she had not managed to pass two days earlier. I know I'm not a magician - - these kids have it in themselves all along! - but the encouragement I gave, coupled with the last minute review of some concepts she had diligently been studying for the past 48 hours, somehow eased her mind enough that she did NOT throw up (as she said she had done due to nervousness the night before), but instead earned the TOP SCORE POSSIBLE. I wanted to cry as I watched her jump up and down in excitement, her hands trembling. And to really put the cherry on top of her day, I was able to hand an essay back to her that had a decent grade on it and tell her she was improving her writing tremendously.
It's been a long, rough road this semester, but many of my students are navigating through this last rush of writing activity quite smoothly. THANK GOD!!
I had a momentary panic as I chatted with my last student of the day (she had brought my students' combined passing percentage to 100 - - WOO HOO!!!) when my boss walked in. My mind raced back through everything I'd said and done in the past few days, now panicked myself, thinking I must be in trouble - - but she was merely there to discuss spring classes, and I was even pleasantly surprised to hear that she approached teaching in much the same way I do, by modeling for her students how to approach an exam such as the one my students just took, rather than sending them in blind as many teachers unfortunately do. My heart was still pounding even after she left, though, as it will be EVERY time I encounter a boss from now until I retire, which will not be until I die. (If only I'd figured out I wanted to teach 14 years earlier... *SIGH*!)
Now I'm off to spread Christmas spirit as I deliver poinsettias for the Kiwanis club. My father has volunteered to help - they're serving chili and cookies for lunch - I don't have to grade any essays.... I think it'll be another great day!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
It's all about the students
At the very end of each semester, in those last couple days when time is running out and exams have begun and final essays are being revised, I can hardly focus on anything but my students. Teaching at a community college after having been a high school teacher for several years is challenging. It pains me to watch kids choose to fail, essentially, by blowing off assignments, skipping classes, and putting next to no effort into much of their writing - - and I can't do anything about it except push harder to inspire them. I can't call their parents or refer them to their counselors. I can't count on the administration to give them detentions or assign them a mandatory study hall. They get to choose. And oooooooh, that drives me crazy. NOT because I'm an obsessive control freak - REALLY! It's because I want to see them succeed. Certainly I don't put blood, sweat, and tears into this job for the money - - it's because I want to help my students become successful - in writing, in their work, and in their lives in general.
So today is once again a great day because - although my night class has dwindled from 19 down to 8 - almost all of my students once again passed their first exit exam. And there is nothing more exciting in my life than seeing the thrill of accomplishment that radiates from their beaming faces when these students find out they've successfully passed this test. It is the test that haunts many of them - that stands in their way of moving forward into the next class - that looms large over them, threatening their sanity. So when they pass it - especially on the first try! - they get such a rush. I think it's a combination of relief and pride and joy and relaxation - - and they absolutely deserve it.
Tomorrow my remaining few will also conquer this beast, I hope and pray. Those who have stuck the class out to the end have worked hard. Often not hard enough, but compared to what they're used to, it's been a tremendous effort in their minds, I know. And I just want them to feel that their effort will not go unrewarded. How fabulous that the only reward they seem to need at this point is the satisfaction of knowing they passed. And their satisfaction will always be my reward.
So today is once again a great day because - although my night class has dwindled from 19 down to 8 - almost all of my students once again passed their first exit exam. And there is nothing more exciting in my life than seeing the thrill of accomplishment that radiates from their beaming faces when these students find out they've successfully passed this test. It is the test that haunts many of them - that stands in their way of moving forward into the next class - that looms large over them, threatening their sanity. So when they pass it - especially on the first try! - they get such a rush. I think it's a combination of relief and pride and joy and relaxation - - and they absolutely deserve it.
Tomorrow my remaining few will also conquer this beast, I hope and pray. Those who have stuck the class out to the end have worked hard. Often not hard enough, but compared to what they're used to, it's been a tremendous effort in their minds, I know. And I just want them to feel that their effort will not go unrewarded. How fabulous that the only reward they seem to need at this point is the satisfaction of knowing they passed. And their satisfaction will always be my reward.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)