The Mish Mosh

That's what's in my brain right now.  That's what's in my brain frequently, in fact.  I just choose to pretend that I have things figured out most of the time.  But trust me - I don't.  Sometimes I think I do, but then everything shifts, and my world gets all tilted, and my balance is thrown off, and I have to readjust everything -- my footing, my center of gravity, my posture, my handholds...  Luckily it's not a daily occurrence, but it comes awfully damn close sometimes.

So here's the mish mosh in my brain today - just as it occurs:

EXERCISE!

                                                But when?!?!?

     Stop spending freaking money.

                                            Damn it - I'm unorganized.

Tomorrow is insane - gotta make a list.

                        CRAP!  I didn't print Miche stuff!!

          Thank GOD I finally got the letters of rec done.

                                                                           I miss Little Man. 

                        What the heck was I supposed to remember to do for Lioness???

   STOP THE PROCRASTINATION.

                              Where the heck is the Black Stacy??

              Make a freaking schedule.

                          DUH.

Do I want to date?

              Do I have time?!?

                           Is there even anyone out there I could be truly interested in??

                                           If there is, will I ever even meet him???

                I love being single!!!
         I want to have time to just PLAY with my kids this week.

                                          I wish my house was clean.
    Would it seriously take that long to get stuff done if I just DID it?

                 Why do I have so much stuff in my closet that I never wear?!?

SAVE FOR RETIREMENT!!

                              I wish I remembered more math.

                                              And science.

                                                           And history.

               I was too hard on the student who says she was in the hospital but is probably lying to me.

I wish I could look good in a bikini again.

          I'm glad I don't care that I don't look good in a bikini anymore.
                                MUST GRADE PAPERS.
                                                           I hate grading papers.
                                         Why the heck do I hate grading?!?

Why can't I drag my ass out of bed right when I wake up in the morning?!?
                    How many hours of my life have I wasted just lying in bed, "thinking"??
           The people in Haiti wish they had my problems.
                                                              I am grateful.
                                                                    For friends.
                                                                    For my home.
                                                                    For my KIDS!
                                                                    For my parents.
                                                                    For good health.
                    For a world that puts up with me, and often even seems to like me.
                                                                                     For MIRACLES.
I honestly wish I weren't pretty.  Then I wouldn't have to worry about whether I looked pretty.
             Or whether I'm getting OLD.
                              Which I am.
                         But it's a good thing.
                Except I wish I looked young and hot again.
                               But then again I DON'T wish that.
                       But I hate that I DO care.
                                                      Even though I don't.
           And at some point I must accept - I mean really accept (not just say and possibly even believe that I accept) that my brain will always work this way - that I will always flip flop and bounce around and go totally out of whack and off balance.
                                               But I can handle it.  If I know myself well enough.
                      I can always remind myself that there is something good on the other side.
Because there always is.
             Which brings me back to my most pressing need:

                                                             PATIENCE!!!!