Hands down, best part of today!

In my first class this morning, almost all of my students passed the first half of their exit exam (which is required for them to move on to the next level of English) on their very first try!  I'm so proud of and happy for them.  YAY!!

The afternooners are taking theirs right now...  I'm crossing my fingers!!

So simple...

I've enjoyed many aspects of today:  relaxing in bed after I woke up from a good night's sleep - the hour I spent at an open house visiting with friends - the 45 minutes I spent all by myself at WalMart - the cup of Kahlua-ed coffee I made myself while I tried to clean up the kitchen...  But the part that made me smile the most was going to church with my kids in coordinated clothing.  It's such a simple thing - and kind of silly, actually - but I loved that my Mini Me's black-topped, black-and-red plaid skirted dress went so well with Little Man's plaid shirt/red sweater with black argyle diamonds combo - and that I found a clean pair of black pants (which didn't even need to be pressed!) to go with my deep red, ruffled, fake-suede jacket.  I don't know if other people were thinking, "Gee, what a cute family!" but that's how I was feeling.  And so we remained in our cute church clothes all day - until we changed into PJs a couple hours ago, threw a frozen pizza in the oven, and settled in for another relaxing night home, surrounded by evergreens and red ribbons and little white lights.  But now Mini Me wants to go upstairs and cuddle while we finish watching our feel good, made-for-t.v. Christmas movie, and I think that sounds like the perfect end to a pretty darned nice day.
:o)

I've been remiss - for a good reason!

Last evening, when my daughter and I were headed upstairs to "cuddle," as she puts it, I said, "I really should blog."  But the computer was still turned off from having been gone for three nights, and my daughter was anxious to crawl into my bed and just chill out - something we hadn't done in several days - so I said, "To heck with it."  (Actually, what I was said was a bit stronger than that - but I'm trying to be at least somewhat appropriate here.)

We had spent the day bringing Christmas into our lives - - by restringing the tree and garlands for outside and hanging them then heading to church for the "hanging of the greens,"food, and fellowship, after which we returned home to sneak in a quick haircut for the fuzzy-headed Little Man before Mom and Dad arrived to help put up our tree and otherwise deck the halls (actually the living and dining rooms) at my house. Yes - there are still boxes stacked in the living room, and the dining table is covered with all the picture frames and knick knacks that must be stored away for the season, but I've got time to tackle that today, and I seem to get giddier and giddier as the house is further transformed with the Christmas spirit.  It's making time to deal with the dishes and random odds and ends stacked on the kitchen counter that might be a problem.  Maybe I should just do that first to get it over with!

But for now, it's off to church to celebrate the official beginning of advent with some of my favorite people - - the type of family I particularly love because they sat watching me decorate the church tree yesterday afternoon while consistently saying, "That looks great!" instead of "Oh, I don't think you should put that there" and such.  But come to think of it, Mom didn't say that last night, either - - she just kept saying, "Your tree looks really nice."  So I guess the Christmas spirit really has arrived.  :o)

Giving Thanks

Despite the fact that holidays are supposed to be special times when you indulge, it seems that holidays in my family can be particularly strained, and - just like prom - the build up of positive expectations can often result in a major letdown.  But this year things were pretty good - and for that, I'm VERY thankful.

Here are the aspects for which I'm particularly thankful:

1) My sis and I started the day with an intense yoga class that literally kicked my butt (I'm having a really hard time walking today - - or even sneezing, for that matter).

2) My daughter's father and I get along well enough that he can share holidays with us which is good in multiple ways - - a) he brings more wine with him, b) it makes my daughter really happy to have him around, c) it gives my son a father figure to play with, and d) having an "outsider" around relieves a lot of the tension that can often build, so my mother is in a much better mood all day.

3) The food was particularly good this year, especially the brussels sprouts, believe it or not!

4) I got to relax and not worry about grading essays for the first Thanksgiving in years.

And - most of all - 5) I got to spend an entire day laughing with and loving my adorable children and realizing how thoroughly God has blessed me by entrusting them to my care.  I couldn't have asked for more wonderful human beings to have graced my life.  And so I was - and am - and will always be - truly thankful. 

Now my daughter and I are off to enjoy our annual circus tradition.  I'll have to blog about that tomorrow.  Tonight I will need to sleep. :o)

It's not over yet...

We've just arrived at my sister's home to spend a whirlwind three nights and two days celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday with plenty of good cheer (yes - I know that's a Christmas saying, but we're starting early - and yes, by "cheer" I do mean wine), and though the evening is still young, I am freeing myself up to simply relax and enjoy the rest of it away from the computer, as I've managed to do almost all day today.  :o)

Today was the first day of my brief Thanksgiving break, and it began quite early at my Kiwanis meeting (6:45 a.m., to be exact).  The meeting itself was unfortunately NOT fabulous today since the program had a political agenda - the kind of closed-minded, conservative, "we don't need to take care of our earth because environmental concerns are crap" and "the left is who really has an agenda" agenda that makes me squirm and fume and seethe - or in this case just simply tune out while I texted friends, including the former-student-now-grown-up who was sitting across the table from me, the former high school friend who had ditched the meeting just prior to the program, and my soul-mate-minister-counselor friend who had also bailed.  The high school friend had no sympathy for me - - he's also a conservative - - but the s-m-m-c was laughing (I could just tell) as he glibly apologized for not having dragged me out with him as he knew what was coming when he escaped.  (Damn him!)  Sassy Pants just happened to start texting me during this time also, and thus I managed to survive the onslaught of narrow minded fallacy via juggling texts to four people all at once.

I also managed to survive babysitting my friend Super Woman's three older daughters while she took her tiny little doll of a newborn back to the hospital for blood work again.  (The darling is gaining weight and length and her jaundice is improving - thank you, God!) 

Then I had just enough time to run to my parents to make my sweet potato casserole for tomorrow's feast (the one with the marshmallows over which I CRIED the first time I ate a holiday dinner with my ex-husband's family because it wasn't PLAIN sweet potatoes, simply baked and served with plenty of butter - and yes, now I make it every year and can never stop because my daughter LOVES it, so I'm a total hypocrite) and then run back home to put together The Queen's gift (including a picture of us that turned out with a blue background and blue highlights in our hair thanks to my empty black print cartridge - but, bless her heart, she said the pic looked cool and artsy that way). Then I took my beautiful friend out to lunch, where our daughters chatted like teenagers, my son charmed the strangers at the next table by playing peekaboo around his sister, and The Queen and I discussed how great life is when we don't have to worry about dealing with men in romantic relationships.  :o)

After lunch, I actually managed to put away all of the dishes and leftover crackers and gifts and cards from my birthday party, which is a HUGE accomplishment considering I haven't even unpacked my freaking suitcase from my trip TWO WEEKS AGO, and it still sits right there in the archway between the living and dining rooms.  (It's a wide archway, so there's plenty of room, and Little Man likes to stand on it and shake the baby gate, so really there is NO hurry to get it taken care of - I swear.)

And then - finally - I dove head first into the Christmas spirit.  I dragged two garlands and a miniature tree out of the garage, where they had been stored since last winter when I pledged to restring the lights on all of them before I put them away (because they all crapped out on me within two days of having hung them last year, I think), and of course never touched them, so they just sat there gathering dust until today.  (The dust was my payback - - the sneezing started as soon as I even looked  at that tree this evening.)  I am seriously excited to begin decorating as soon as I get back home on Saturday, so the ONE thing I committed to accomplishing today (before I volunteered to help Super Woman and take The Queen out to lunch, of course) was getting these darned outdoor decorations restrung.  But the rat bastards at the fake tree company had conspired to thwart my efforts, unbeknownst to me. 

At first I was simply baffled - - why the heck could I not get the darned lights loose from the very first branch?!?  Weird - -  there was some plastic doo-hickie (kind of like a miniature version of the tag that holds bread closed) clasping the light to the branch, and the cord was actually knotted around the branch, and there was a freaking ZIP TIE holding it on!  WHAT THE....?!?!? 

I assumed that Dad had done something to the lights for some odd reason.

But the next light was clipped and knotted and twisted, too.  And then the next, and the next, and the next (luckily there were only a few zip ties scattered throughout).  But about the fifth light, I noticed a couple extra cords actually spliced to the light and shooting off in another direction for a kind of Christmas tree light T-intersection.

Ok, I thought.  What the heck is going on????

Luckily, it was soon after this that I realized I must have acquired a pre-lit tree somehow.  Funny, but I don't remember acquiring this tree at all.  But now here I was - determined to get those darned lights off the darned tree so that the rat bastards did not get MORE of my money, though obviously that was their plan all along - to make sure I could not remove the now broken and blown out lights from the tree so that I would be forced to buy a whole new tree.  Well, I showed them!  It took me a full hour, but I managed to disentangle every tributary of that spider webbed light strand.  And I'm pretty sure I didn't curse (out loud, anyway) the entire time I worked on it. HA! 

By that time, though, it was time to hit the road, so I had to leave two garlands, a light-less tree, and about ten pounds of fake needles and plastic doo-hickies and broken, spliced green light strand littering my kitchen floor.  Oh, well.

Only twenty minutes after I had hoped to get away, the kids and I were snug in the car and heading west in the rain. We had Christmas songs playing on the radio and two colors of Gatorade to ward off the hunger, and my daughter even sang a few songs with me until we arrived here at Sis's to enjoy her white bean chicken chili and a lovely Sonoma red and Disney's Enchanted (which they have started withOUT me, so I am now getting off the computer!) 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow.  I know we will. :o)

The little things...

Today was just a normal day.  I had a jam-packed schedule, as I always have on Tuesdays (especially since I teach a three-hour class Tuesday evenings).  I had left work to be done at the last minute, and even had to scramble to grade papers that my mother - THANK GOD - reminded me I had left laying on her living room floor.  I didn't have time to clean up the kitchen or the living room or to put away the laundry or make my bed (well - I had time for that, I was just too lazy) or even to have lunch.  So today was one of those days in which I had to look for things to blog about - to pay attention to the little things that happened and celebrate them.  Amazingly, I was able to find several.

Here are the little things that made my day:

1) I laughed and chatted with one of my best friends even before I got to work this morning.  What made this particularly entertaining was that she (the responsible one) was still at home playing on Facebook and should've left for work much earlier - while I (the perpetually late one) was actually early to my first appointment of the day.  Ha!

2)  A much younger man emailed me a reminder of his perpetual "crush" on me, comparing his emotions toward me to Shakespeare's Venus and Adonis.  (Of course I think he's totally off his rocker, but that doesn't stop me from feeling flattered by the attention.)

3)  When I rebuffed the much younger man's confession of "love," he agreed with me that even friendship would be difficult considering the impact his emotions would have on his behavior.  Ha HA!  Not only was I right, but for once a man didn't freak out and get all viciously defensive in response to my candor!  (Actually, this occurrence alone could qualify this day as one for the record books, now that I think about it.)

4) Another man told me that even my "rants" are "colorful and fun to read."  (Yes, I know - he's obviously a wee bit loony as well, but still - I'm getting compliments here, people!)

5) I spent forever in Hallmark reading every sappy picture frame and plaque and magnet and card imaginable and getting misty-eyed as I reflected on all the wonderful ways in which my friend The Queen has made a priceless difference in my life.  (It's her birthday tomorrow.  She's a whopping THIRTY-SIX.)

6) When I was at home for a mere 40 minutes, I completely forgot that when I had looked in the mirror earlier I had looked like death warmed over, and so I didn't even attempt to apply more makeup or fix my hair but instead went to class looking bedraggled and didn't even care! 

7) When I arrived at school, I purchased a mocha coffee and thoroughly enjoyed licking the foam from the top of my lip and indulging in a couple hundred extra wasted calories.  Helloooo! CHOCOLATE.

8) And finally - when I decided to help my students out with a little extra review prior to their quiz tonight, I actually managed to find the other version I had been looking for all week, and they seemed to have FUN reviewing grammar for once.  (Again - record books.  Absolutely.)

So perhaps today wasn't "normal" after all.  Or maybe it was - and it just so happens that my life is pretty darned good everyday.  If that's the case, then I think I like "normal."  In fact, I like it a LOT. ;o)

Yesterday I failed.

One week into the blog, and I didn't post - which led to something fabulous.  A friend messaged me this morning that she's been a faithful reader, and she was disappointed that I hadn't posted yesterday.  How awesome is that?!?

I missed posting yesterday because after I messed around with Facebook for a while, I chose to abandon the computer to hang out with the kids, and I simply forgot all about it, which is actually a good thing because it means I was having an enjoyable evening.

After a couple humorous phone conversations with girlfriends, my daughter and I settled on the couch with a plateful of nachos and simply watched some t.v. while her baby brother entertained us with his usual silliness as he played with his favorite music-making toys, "danced," and toddled back over to the couch frequently to beg for bites of refried beans and cheese.  That was it!  For an hour and a half straight, I sat on the couch - and I loved it.  I put the baby down at about 8:30; then, at 9:00, I tucked my daughter in, crawled into my own bed, and watched one more episode of Rita Rocks before I turned out my own light and drifted off into an eight and a half hour straight night of great sleep. (Wow - did I need that!)

Yeah - I skipped my exercise and dance classes, which bummed me out just a little, but nothing sounded better to me last night than just chillin' with my kids.  And I'm soooooooo glad that's exactly what I did.

Little Man

Hands down, the most fabulous part of today was having my 11 month old little man dedicated to God - a brief ceremony which was shared by the people who love him the most: his Grammy and Papa, his Tia, his Sissy, his Auntie C, my Childhood Twin and her son, and the wonderful congregation we are lucky to belong to as part of their family.  The man who conducted the dedication is one those rarest of blessings in life: a soul mate in whom I confide my darkest fears and concerns and from whom I receive priceless empathy and validation as well as endless advice and support.  Thanks to him, this brief moment felt exceedingly personal and poignant - and also thanks to him, I was able to get through it with joy unencumbered by the sadness which often overtakes me when I'm feeling the conspicuous absence of the one person who should be present for moments such as these but instead has chosen to be absent for every moment.

But today was not about who was not in attendance or the nonsensical motives behind that choice - today was about this amazing little man who has blessed our lives with daily laughter and love.  Today, I - with the support of so many extraordinary people - committed to raising my son to know and love Jesus, to be a good and faithful human being, and to strive to always be his best.  It's a daunting task to be entrusted with caring for the life of such a spectacular human being, but if God considers me worthy of it, then I'm up to the challenge. 

The rewards will far exceed the effort, anyway.  They always do.

Must I choose just one??

Last night (or should I say early this morning?), the 2 1/2 week long celebration of my 40th birthday finally culminated with a fabulously over indulgent wine and cheese party followed by three hours of the type of dancing better suited to someone much younger than I.  (I woke up after only 4 1/2 hours of sleep with throbbing ankles and could barely make it down the stairs due to uncooperative knees.) 

It's so difficult to pinpoint just one thing that made yesterday fabulous.  I'd spent the day with Childhood Twin, and later Sis, planning strategy and preparing food, and at the party my friends were wonderfully sweet and excessively generous - even my Super Woman friend who'd just had a baby six days ago showed up with homemade veggie pizza and baby in tow! I received thoughtful, funny, and poignantly moving cards and gifts...  I was definitely feeling the love.

But the one thing that made this night truly memorable was how these friends (from work, childhood, church, my neighborhood, and even my dentist's office) who were complete strangers to each other prior to last night all came together to laugh and chat and bond over (I'm amused to admit) Riesling and triple cream brie and buffalo chicken dip and liqueur flavored mini cheesecakes.

Super Woman regaled a captive audience with tales of childbirth - Smokin' Hot Neighbor shared her usual witty quips and crack ups - Sis got everyone smiling as she snapped candid photos - Childhood Twin kept the candlelight and conversation flickering - Single-But-Supposedly-Married Mom flaunted her gorgeous guns - and then later, Sassy Pants set the dance floor (and several dance partners) on fire, encouraging even Sis to get out there and shake her groove thing.  And as I gazed fuzzily through my wine-haze at these beautiful women who were all enjoying each other now as much as I enjoy all of them, I marveled at how an evening that had originally made me somewhat uneasy (thanks to my inability to play hostess to everyone all at once) had far surpassed my expectations to become truly one of the happiest experiences of my life. 

Of course it only makes sense that my friends would love each other as much as I love all of them.  But actually seeing it happen was the best birthday gift of all.  And it was an absolutely FABULOUS night.

Fabulous night.

Great party - awesome friends - absolute exhaustion.  More later.

;o)

I'm deferring again!

The night is still young in my household as my childhood "twin" and her son have arrived for the weekend.  We're putting the kids to bed on the living room floor and heading upstairs with a glass of wine (for me) and a Mike's (for her) to go through the FOUR TUBS of boy's clothes she brought for my 11 month old monkey man.  No more computer tonight.  Tomorrow I'll blog about what a FABULOUS time we had sitting on my bed and chatting until the wee hours of the night - just like when we were teenagers. ;o)

Just when I needed you most...

Kids have it so easy.  Everyday they get to choose from hundreds of other kids at school or on the playground or in line for the carousel at the mall or even just on the sidewalk near their houses to make friends, which consists for them of seemingly nothing more than, "Hey, do you want to play?" and suddenly they've found a new best friend.  It's definitely not so easy as adults.

I was spoiled as a kid.  I had a super close best friend with whom I could share all of my deepest, darkest secrets.  We finished each others' sentences.  Heck, we could even talk at the same time and still understand everything the other one was saying.  It was the perfect symbiosis.  And I've come to rely on having someone with whom I share that kind of connection.  But gosh - finding the time and the person and commonality to be able to make that kind of connection with another adult is a bit of a challenge.  (My childhood twin - according to a story we invented together in 3rd grade - now lives over three hours away.)  Still, I've been seriously blessed - particularly in the past year - to become close with some truly amazing women - and spending time with one of those women was the fabulous highpoint of my day yesterday.

Last night I went to the midnight release of New Moon with my friend (whom I'll affectionately dub "The Queen," for several reasons upon which I choose not to elaborate, but trust me - they're all extremely positive) and a couple other women.  I'm not a huge Twilight fan, though I did enjoy the first movie (and swear I'll read the books soon because The Queen once threatened to end our friendship if I could not discuss these awesome books with her), so I thought it would be fun to indulge in some teeny-bopper style glee. Hence, I downed my caffeinated beverage, put moisturizing drops in my sand-papery eyes, and headed out.

The Queen drove, which was the first highlight of the evening because apparently she has never backed out of her own driveway before, which thus required some extra maneuvering.  And so the laughter began.

The Queen is also unfamiliar with how power locks work, it seems, and thus when we stopped to pick up one of her colleagues, it took a good minute or so before the poor woman was able to get into the car.  However, rather than getting frustrated or making excuses or even apologizing for her momentary clumsiness, my friend just laughed at herself - which occurred for a third time as we looped around and around and around the parking lot of the movie theater thanks to her stubborn determination to "find the closest parking spot, God damn it!"  She's so quirky - I just love it. :o)

Before the movie, The Queen patiently listened to yet another of my never ending diatribes relating the most recent of my nonstop thoughts and concerns about a particular challenge in my life (despite having heard them numerous times before), nodding and validating and supporting all the while.  During the movie, she sat pensively in her seat, gasping at every surprising turn (despite having read the book, probably also numerous times), and immersing herself in the delicious escape of fantasy (because there are some extremely beautiful men - shirtless - in this film).  And after the movie, she excitedly analyzed characterization and cinematography, explored the differences between novel and screenplay, and questioned the variations in perspective and experience between those who had read the books and those who hadn't - all despite the fact that it was after 2:30 in the morning, and we were pretty darned tired.  She was as vibrant, animated, happy, and enthusiastic as she is every time I see her.  Heck, she wakes up that way.

My friend The Queen knows how to appreciate and enjoy and truly indulge in life.  Regardless of what might challenge her or sadden her or stress her out, she remains positive.  She does not live in denial - she does not ignore problems - she does not even take drugs (that I'm aware of).  She just loves life.

And I love being around her.

I remember that before I even really knew TQ, back when I only had a brief professional interaction with her during my first pregnancy ten years ago, she made me feel as if we were already friends.  Several years later, when she friended me on Facebook and we began chatting regularly, it felt as if we'd been friends forever - such good friends, in fact, that when I'm struggling with another of the agonizingly haunting bombardments of oppressive thoughts that seem to hit me every couple days or so, I actually hammer through my stubborn independence and call her and say, "Help."  And she does.  No matter how many times she's had to remind me or advise me or reassure me, she is always willing to do it again - with fervor!

And thus it is that today my "life is fabulous at forty" story centers around my gratitude for having this incredibly amazing woman in my life.  All hail The Queen.  You entered my life just when I needed you most, my friend.

XOXOXO0

It will have to wait...

Because my day will not be over until approximately 2 a.m. tomorrow morning (almost 4 hours from now, just to clarify) after I see New Moon, I'm afraid I am unable to discern the most fabulous part of my day yet.  Watching Jake be silly at supper is holding onto the lead at the moment, but you never know - I could become a HUGE Twilight fan in less than 2 hours - - or at least have a fabulous time watching my friends go crazy over it!  Shoot - I left my Diet Coke in the car, and I really need to fuel up on caffeine if I'm going to make it through a midnight movie...  Better get going!

More in the morning. :o)

Ripley's Believe It or Not...

That's the kind of day I had - the kind where your jaw drops to the floor and your eyes bug out and you think, "Is this seriously happening??"  Then you roll your eyes, sigh loudly (because it's a LOT more fun when you make it over dramatic), and call/text/email every one of your close friends to recount (also over dramatically - in order to squeeze every last drop of delicious melodrama out of this absurd ridiculousness) the bizarre situation that has exploded into your peaceful life like fireworks in a blackened sky.

And the fabulous part?  It's twofold:

First, there's the juicy indulgence in the exaggerated gasps and disgusted snorts and delightful, repetitious squeals of "Oh my GOD!!!" because - we must admit it, girls - no matter how old we get, we still relish a good tale of exaggerated drama now and again (assuming it's fairly benign, and when you're dealing with someone who's clearly unbalanced, it typically is).

And then there's the unadulterated satisfaction of knowing you are now too wise and too mature (and WAY too over this kind of absurdity) to play into it. Go ahead - LET the drama king have the last word.  His psychotic wrath would only be fed by your words anyway.  It is FAR better to let him simmer in his own rotten vegetable stew of emotion.

So I owe thanks to my smokin' hot neighbor (as she has requested I refer to her in my blog) for pointing this out to me (at least the part about how the perpetrator of this delicious melodrama was a good topic for tonight's blog).

As for the realization that behaving like a grown up in response is actually a fabulous accomplishment - well, I made that one up myself.

:o)

PATIENCE, please!!

I received a comment this morning - on my very first post, wouldn't you know it? - that I wasn't being nice regarding my mother.  The commenter - who unfortunately remained anonymous, which only aggravates me because I am wholeheartedly in favor of open, honest communication in which people come to an understanding - seemed to miss the most important aspects of my comments in regard to my mother yesterday:  #1 I was exaggerating, and #2 I was happy I had been kind in response to the song specifically because I'm typically not kind enough in the way I respond to my mother - a fact I admitted right there in yesterday's post. 

The beautiful thing, though, is that my mother came over right after I had read that comment.  And I shared it with her - along with reading her my blog. 

This, you must understand, was a risk.  My mother tends not to be as supportive of my endeavors as I would wish.  Frequently I feel as if she thinks I'm incompetent, in fact.  But the totally fabulous thing that happened today was that my mother agreed with me - that this comment was silly.  (I'm being nice.  What I really mean is that the comment was ridiculous, but since I've begun a whole new, positive life, I can't be that blunt.)  My mother - whom I typically believe does NOT understand or support me - said not one negative thing today.  She just nodded her head and reminded me that we shouldn't let other people's opinions faze us.  Bless her heart!  She didn't remind me that I should have started writing DAILY forever ago.  She didn't reiterate her constant chiding about how "writers write!" And when she did express concern that my students could be reading what I said about their papers being mediocre (yeah, yeah - I know - I was a bit more forthright in my terminology in that posting), the new, wise, patient me agreed with her and stressed that I had made certain that my blog emphasized that it was the FIRST drafts which typically were poor quality, and I had added the fact that this is why I make them revise - to which she graciously acquiesced.  !!!!! 

It was truly a fabulous mother-daughter moment.

My relationship with my mother has been a challenge ever since I can remember.  There are a handful of memories I cherish - critical lessons she taught me about taking responsibility, getting over a broken heart, and ...  well, there are those two, at least.  But the fact is that I'm an adult now.  I know I've supposedly been one for several years now, but I haven't been.  I admit that.  I've floundered and faked my way through responsibility - sometimes doing smashingly well and other times failing miserably.  But I AM an adult NOW.  That is what 40 means to me.  And right up there next to my goal of being a better mother is my even more challenging (and up until now virtually impossible) goal of being a better, more patient, more loving, less reactive daughter.

It doesn't matter what I didn't get from my mother that I wish I had gotten.  It doesn't matter that she's not the best-friend-who-shares-all-your-secrets kind of mother I've always wished I had.  And - as much as it frustrates me - it doesn't matter that she's getting older now, and so all of the annoying things that have frustrated me about her all these years are just being amplified by age.  The fact is, she is my mother.  And she won't be around forever. 

So today - for the first time in what seems like EVER - I was patient with her.  When she asked me to "get this" or "do that," even though I was in the middle of something and she had volunteered to watch Jake while I got work done, I got it and did it.  Cheerfully, in fact!  When she asked the same question for the umpteenth time, I simply answered it.  When she got involved with a parenting conversation with my daughter (which drives me nuts because we have very different parenting styles), I just let it go.  And then when I was heading to the grocery store and she asked, "What are you going to shop for?" instead of grumpily demanding why the heck it was any of her business, I said simply (and I swear sweetly), "Groceries," to which she responded, "Could you get me some ice cream?"  And when she gave me the entire story for why she needed the ice cream (so-and-so is allergic to chocolate so she can't make the chocolate ice cream dessert she was planning to make for Lunch Bunch tomorrow and instead thought she'd make some kind of crisp which I can't remember but she needs ice cream to serve it with and another so-and-so says she always gets her ice cream at Aldi's and they carry Breyers there, didn't you know?) I simply listened and nodded and said, "Sure - do you want the Breyers?"  And when she said, "No - the cheap stuff is fine," I bought the "natural vanilla" stuff that's $.69 more and looks like it's imitating Breyers, though it's really NOT Breyers, and I didn't correct her when I got home regarding the fact that Aldi did not, in fact, actually have Breyers - I just put it in the freezer and thanked her for being there all afternoon to help with Jake.

And it was a good day.  Which is fabulous because my mother and I don't have enough good days.

The bottom line is that I can't change my mother, and I really don't want to NOT have a mother - so I have to change me.  Luckily, today I did that. 

Now the goal is to learn to be that patient every time because of course I think we'll ALL be happier if I can achieve that one!

Amazing I didn't pee myself, this made me laugh so hard...

I just received this email in response to my first blog entry:

oh my goodness...I have been debating for the past 20 mins if i should write this email and here I am! uh........Am I the one you were callign an (asshole ) this morning? FUNNY THING..I was right next to you on rte 2 this morning (I had already been to Ken Nelson before 9am) I saw you behind me and i slowed down, so I could wave and two diff times i tried to get your attention, but you never looked over at me..I was going to say happy birthday :).....so if the blue van pissed you off, it was me !!!
hope you had a great day! talk soon.

It's been 15 minutes since I read it, and I'm still LAUGHING!  No, my friend - it wasn't you.  It was a small, silver car.  So my OTHER friend - the one IN the small, silver car, I will now apologize for offending you.  Really it was entertaining to me.  But not as entertaining as this email.  I'd better be cautious with the blog since I live in such a small town, huh?  Hmmmm....

It is only the beginning...

Of course it's easy to feel fabulously happy on a day when dozens of friends send you birthday wishes via Facebook, your daughter makes you breakfast in bed, your sister sings to you before you've even gotten up, and one of your very best friends treats you to lunch.  Still, one of my major goals for my new life as a forty-something was tested right off the bat today: learning patience.  A vehicle on the highway this morning was traveling not-quite-fast-enough in the passing lane, and when the driver sped up just as I swung back into the right lane to pass on the other side, I called him (or was it a her?  I didn't pay attention) an asshole.  Dang it!  But then I laughed -- so that HAS to count as making an improvement to my life, right?  Otherwise I would've just continued cursing him - or at least lecturing him (because we all know that drivers of other cars hear us just as well as characters on television do - they just choose not to heed our frustrated reprimands).  But since that involves a negative, generally, I guess it can't count as what I did to make today special, though.  *SIGH*

Instead, I actually did several small yet intentional things today that all added up to me feeling like maybe - finally! - I'm on the right track for once.
1) I picked up the baby's toys before I left for school, thus insuring I didn't groan when I got home and saw the mess. 
2) I commented back on every single post made on my Facebook page, thus truly indulging in the joy of receiving such sweet sentiments and appreciating how many wonderful friends I have - and of course playing with every way to say, "Thank you!" I could possibly think of.  (It's a fun new game. I swear!)
3) I made sure I walked into the classroom with positive energy and conveyed encouragement to my students for the papers they're about to write, even though I fear they'll totally suck.  (This is based on past experience.  They generally DO suck on the first draft.  But at least I'm optimistic that they might not suck AS BADLY this time! And of course that's why I make them do revisions.)
4) I returned a phone call to a friend right away.  (Yes - this should be the norm.  But I'm TERRIBLE at returning calls.  I still haven't gotten a hold of the Health Department to schedule my son's next shot appointment, and the nurse left a message a WEEK ago.)
5) I enthusiastically thanked my parents and daughter for their extremely unenthusiastic rendition of the "Happy Birthday" song with which they lamely serenaded me as I entered my parents' house after work.  (Since all my mother has to do is breathe in order to irritate me, this IS a big deal.  I'm not usually very nice in response, I hate to admit.)
6) I'm going to cuddle on the couch with my daughter and watch a movie right now instead of staying on the computer wasting time or trying to get work done that CAN wait until tomorrow because if there's one thing I want to do more than anything else to be a better person, it's to be a great mom to my totally deserving kids.
7) And, later, I'm going to go to my exercise and dance classes and put extra effort into every move and laugh and shake my tushy and just generally enjoy how flexible and energetic this forty-year-old body still feels.

But for now, it's movie time.

Not a bad way to spend my 40th, I'd have to say. :o)