The Jumble

I wanted to write a brilliant blog today, but I can hardly even get started.  It's been forever since I've found the time - as usual, lately - and I feel I owe it to my readers to produce something poignant and creative and entertaining....  But there are a million concerns going through my head - yes, also as usual - and I can't pinpoint a single one of them. 

I am worried this week that the unexplained sadness I've experienced each day is a symptom of returning clinical depression.  Or maybe it's just hormonal imbalance from an early period.  I'm praying for the latter.  It makes sense.

I'm reeling from the "suggestion" (by someone who is apparently hellbent on remaining my mortal enemy despite the immense - and obvious - benefits of being my best friend) that I need counseling.  The irony is that it is his presence in my life that makes me crazy!  And it is my own idiocy that causes me to allow him that influence.  Time to cut that out, once and for all!

My house is as disastrous as ever!  Chaos exploded in every room.  Yes, that is possible.  It is what happens when chaos itself multiplies and expands and works against itself.  It actually creates a situation in which - by some inexplicable anti-magnetic force - items that are anywhere close to being actually organized and in their rightful places will revolt and repel each other, bounding in opposite directions to expand the clutter and foil any attempt to keep them tidy.  When you subsequently fret over the resultant magnification of chaotic matter, you actually charge it electrically - like rubbing a balloon on your head until your hair is standing out in every direction.  Thus chaos is multiplied exponentially.

I have - by the way - avoided being home to stress over this writhing mass by over scheduling myself, also to the nth degree.

I'm also pining for the semester to be OVER so that I might revisit some of those healthy daily habits that further soothe and maintain order in my psyche.  I don't need counseling!!!  I need time to do the things I KNOW I need to do to keep myself from cracking.  Or snapping.  Or even just screaming. 

Of course Little Man has taken up yelling.  That's fun.

And I'd really like some sun.  WARM sun.  Thank God for my upcoming vacation!

I've met someone - sort of - that a new friend introduced me to - via email - and he seems to be opulently spiritual (an intentional contradiction in terms) and deliciously intriguing.  I tried warning him of my inner chaos, but he would not be easily scared off, and thus I think I may have just made a valuable new friend.

Today a valuable, not-quite-as-new friend also shared some emotionally deep insight into my last post, and that blissful moment of connection was a delectable treat as well.

I think my current wish is to cut out the challenges.... WAIT - I know that's impossible.... hmmm..... I suppose I would wish to cut out the ferocious reactions that spring forth unbidden every time I encounter a challenge lately...  and yes, I CAN cut out the instigator of most of those challenges.  Why not learn a little from the king of selfish?  Start focusing on me for once - and not always try to do every single possible thing to serve someone else - particularly someone so ungrateful and greedy and consistently self-centered and inconsiderate and defensive and insensitive and distinctly NOT empathetic!

I wish I would have started this taking care of myself thing by wearing a warmer sweater today. 

But perhaps I should be grateful to this sudden coldness for distracting me from many of my worries...

Maybe I should go see what kind of soup is being served for lunch today.  Soup is always a good way to start feeling better. :o)  In any case, it's a start.