That is what life has been for me lately. Funny - at the end of our spring break vacation, I vowed to bring a little vacation into our lives daily. Or at least every other day. Or at the very least, weekly. But what happened instead was that an over ambitious new business owner booked herself solid -- and I do mean solid. When I look at my schedule (that now includes a summer full of Cubs games, weddings, bachelorette excursions, dramatic performances, birthday celebrations, and a Disney trip), I see very few days in which there is not some sort of commitment occupying several hours of the day. Many days have multiple commitments. Yes, some are fun -- but as I'm experiencing currently, there is no capacity for true enjoyment of life when the pressures of an overflowing "to do" list are weighing on your mind and heart.
And so my goal for the next two weeks is to wade through the crap I've allowed to take over my life - physically, mentally, and even spiritually. My relationships are healthy - THANK GOD (because they don't include any romantic entanglements - double thank yous to God!) - but the mountainous back log of paperwork claws at my soul.
And yet when I sat at the computer just now to enter contact info into my database, I chose to blog instead. But I'm justifying that as a WISE choice. Because it IS.
Here's how I see it:
Starting to write consistently is an important goal of mine. And writers write. So if I don't write (as I've failed to do for TWO MONTHS NOW), then I won't write. And yes - that does make sense if you can follow my twisted thinking. And no - I wouldn't allow my students to be that ambiguous or vague or whatever the appropriate term is, though I refuse to wrack my brain over it during my "off season." In any case, I must write. I must treat my writing now as a valued appendage, without which I could not function as healthily. Like a liver. Writing is going to become my liver. (Hmmmm... perhaps that means that if I write more, and thus nurture my liver, I will also nurture my aching brain, which will cause me to require less alcohol to numb it, which will in turn be better for my liver, which means my writing will improve..... Ok - yes - BIG stretch. But a little logical drama diversion is fun now and again. Forgive me.)
The contacts can be entered tomorrow. Or in five minutes. Right now I'm FEEDING my soul. Building it up. Reinforcing it. And I did have at least small window of time...
The worst problem I have is that regardless of how little time I may have in which to accomplish the most basic of chores, I manage to find other things to fill up that time. Obligations, in fact. Take today, for instance - - I have a show tonight, of course, but I should have had PLENTY of time during the day to tackle a PLETHORA of projects. (Still love that alliteration. Lol.) But Mini Me brought home a request for parent help on the rocket project at school. Since my ordinary teaching/tutoring schedule does not allow me to participate in such activities - and since Mini Me really wants her mother to come - and since her teacher desperately needs the help, I am going. It is an "obligation" that I choose to embrace. Sometimes I could definitely say, "No." But at what cost? My daughter had tears in her eyes when she found out her mother was not the one taking her to piano lessons yesterday. So today I will build a rocket.
I am combating this issue. I have drawn Xs through several days in my calendar. Yes, I did just put a date for margarita madness into one of the Xed slots, but fun with friends is an important rejuvenation technique I've learned (though I use it far too infrequently).
I am also asking friends and grandparents to entertain my over active toddler for a few days. And I just might continue to utilize this strategy in the future.
My third approach was to try giving up some sleep. But that didn't work too well. Instead, I think I must substitute the alternate strategy of accomplishing MORE during daytime hours. That means less distraction. And limiting computer time. But first, I must move on to the contacts list....
I shall write again soon.
I MUST.
