Because my day will not be over until approximately 2 a.m. tomorrow morning (almost 4 hours from now, just to clarify) after I see New Moon, I'm afraid I am unable to discern the most fabulous part of my day yet. Watching Jake be silly at supper is holding onto the lead at the moment, but you never know - I could become a HUGE Twilight fan in less than 2 hours - - or at least have a fabulous time watching my friends go crazy over it! Shoot - I left my Diet Coke in the car, and I really need to fuel up on caffeine if I'm going to make it through a midnight movie... Better get going!
More in the morning. :o)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Ripley's Believe It or Not...
That's the kind of day I had - the kind where your jaw drops to the floor and your eyes bug out and you think, "Is this seriously happening??" Then you roll your eyes, sigh loudly (because it's a LOT more fun when you make it over dramatic), and call/text/email every one of your close friends to recount (also over dramatically - in order to squeeze every last drop of delicious melodrama out of this absurd ridiculousness) the bizarre situation that has exploded into your peaceful life like fireworks in a blackened sky.
And the fabulous part? It's twofold:
First, there's the juicy indulgence in the exaggerated gasps and disgusted snorts and delightful, repetitious squeals of "Oh my GOD!!!" because - we must admit it, girls - no matter how old we get, we still relish a good tale of exaggerated drama now and again (assuming it's fairly benign, and when you're dealing with someone who's clearly unbalanced, it typically is).
And then there's the unadulterated satisfaction of knowing you are now too wise and too mature (and WAY too over this kind of absurdity) to play into it. Go ahead - LET the drama king have the last word. His psychotic wrath would only be fed by your words anyway. It is FAR better to let him simmer in his own rotten vegetable stew of emotion.
So I owe thanks to my smokin' hot neighbor (as she has requested I refer to her in my blog) for pointing this out to me (at least the part about how the perpetrator of this delicious melodrama was a good topic for tonight's blog).
As for the realization that behaving like a grown up in response is actually a fabulous accomplishment - well, I made that one up myself.
:o)
And the fabulous part? It's twofold:
First, there's the juicy indulgence in the exaggerated gasps and disgusted snorts and delightful, repetitious squeals of "Oh my GOD!!!" because - we must admit it, girls - no matter how old we get, we still relish a good tale of exaggerated drama now and again (assuming it's fairly benign, and when you're dealing with someone who's clearly unbalanced, it typically is).
And then there's the unadulterated satisfaction of knowing you are now too wise and too mature (and WAY too over this kind of absurdity) to play into it. Go ahead - LET the drama king have the last word. His psychotic wrath would only be fed by your words anyway. It is FAR better to let him simmer in his own rotten vegetable stew of emotion.
So I owe thanks to my smokin' hot neighbor (as she has requested I refer to her in my blog) for pointing this out to me (at least the part about how the perpetrator of this delicious melodrama was a good topic for tonight's blog).
As for the realization that behaving like a grown up in response is actually a fabulous accomplishment - well, I made that one up myself.
:o)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
PATIENCE, please!!
I received a comment this morning - on my very first post, wouldn't you know it? - that I wasn't being nice regarding my mother. The commenter - who unfortunately remained anonymous, which only aggravates me because I am wholeheartedly in favor of open, honest communication in which people come to an understanding - seemed to miss the most important aspects of my comments in regard to my mother yesterday: #1 I was exaggerating, and #2 I was happy I had been kind in response to the song specifically because I'm typically not kind enough in the way I respond to my mother - a fact I admitted right there in yesterday's post.
The beautiful thing, though, is that my mother came over right after I had read that comment. And I shared it with her - along with reading her my blog.
This, you must understand, was a risk. My mother tends not to be as supportive of my endeavors as I would wish. Frequently I feel as if she thinks I'm incompetent, in fact. But the totally fabulous thing that happened today was that my mother agreed with me - that this comment was silly. (I'm being nice. What I really mean is that the comment was ridiculous, but since I've begun a whole new, positive life, I can't be that blunt.) My mother - whom I typically believe does NOT understand or support me - said not one negative thing today. She just nodded her head and reminded me that we shouldn't let other people's opinions faze us. Bless her heart! She didn't remind me that I should have started writing DAILY forever ago. She didn't reiterate her constant chiding about how "writers write!" And when she did express concern that my students could be reading what I said about their papers being mediocre (yeah, yeah - I know - I was a bit more forthright in my terminology in that posting), the new, wise, patient me agreed with her and stressed that I had made certain that my blog emphasized that it was the FIRST drafts which typically were poor quality, and I had added the fact that this is why I make them revise - to which she graciously acquiesced. !!!!!
It was truly a fabulous mother-daughter moment.
My relationship with my mother has been a challenge ever since I can remember. There are a handful of memories I cherish - critical lessons she taught me about taking responsibility, getting over a broken heart, and ... well, there are those two, at least. But the fact is that I'm an adult now. I know I've supposedly been one for several years now, but I haven't been. I admit that. I've floundered and faked my way through responsibility - sometimes doing smashingly well and other times failing miserably. But I AM an adult NOW. That is what 40 means to me. And right up there next to my goal of being a better mother is my even more challenging (and up until now virtually impossible) goal of being a better, more patient, more loving, less reactive daughter.
It doesn't matter what I didn't get from my mother that I wish I had gotten. It doesn't matter that she's not the best-friend-who-shares-all-your-secrets kind of mother I've always wished I had. And - as much as it frustrates me - it doesn't matter that she's getting older now, and so all of the annoying things that have frustrated me about her all these years are just being amplified by age. The fact is, she is my mother. And she won't be around forever.
So today - for the first time in what seems like EVER - I was patient with her. When she asked me to "get this" or "do that," even though I was in the middle of something and she had volunteered to watch Jake while I got work done, I got it and did it. Cheerfully, in fact! When she asked the same question for the umpteenth time, I simply answered it. When she got involved with a parenting conversation with my daughter (which drives me nuts because we have very different parenting styles), I just let it go. And then when I was heading to the grocery store and she asked, "What are you going to shop for?" instead of grumpily demanding why the heck it was any of her business, I said simply (and I swear sweetly), "Groceries," to which she responded, "Could you get me some ice cream?" And when she gave me the entire story for why she needed the ice cream (so-and-so is allergic to chocolate so she can't make the chocolate ice cream dessert she was planning to make for Lunch Bunch tomorrow and instead thought she'd make some kind of crisp which I can't remember but she needs ice cream to serve it with and another so-and-so says she always gets her ice cream at Aldi's and they carry Breyers there, didn't you know?) I simply listened and nodded and said, "Sure - do you want the Breyers?" And when she said, "No - the cheap stuff is fine," I bought the "natural vanilla" stuff that's $.69 more and looks like it's imitating Breyers, though it's really NOT Breyers, and I didn't correct her when I got home regarding the fact that Aldi did not, in fact, actually have Breyers - I just put it in the freezer and thanked her for being there all afternoon to help with Jake.
And it was a good day. Which is fabulous because my mother and I don't have enough good days.
The bottom line is that I can't change my mother, and I really don't want to NOT have a mother - so I have to change me. Luckily, today I did that.
Now the goal is to learn to be that patient every time because of course I think we'll ALL be happier if I can achieve that one!
The beautiful thing, though, is that my mother came over right after I had read that comment. And I shared it with her - along with reading her my blog.
This, you must understand, was a risk. My mother tends not to be as supportive of my endeavors as I would wish. Frequently I feel as if she thinks I'm incompetent, in fact. But the totally fabulous thing that happened today was that my mother agreed with me - that this comment was silly. (I'm being nice. What I really mean is that the comment was ridiculous, but since I've begun a whole new, positive life, I can't be that blunt.) My mother - whom I typically believe does NOT understand or support me - said not one negative thing today. She just nodded her head and reminded me that we shouldn't let other people's opinions faze us. Bless her heart! She didn't remind me that I should have started writing DAILY forever ago. She didn't reiterate her constant chiding about how "writers write!" And when she did express concern that my students could be reading what I said about their papers being mediocre (yeah, yeah - I know - I was a bit more forthright in my terminology in that posting), the new, wise, patient me agreed with her and stressed that I had made certain that my blog emphasized that it was the FIRST drafts which typically were poor quality, and I had added the fact that this is why I make them revise - to which she graciously acquiesced. !!!!!
It was truly a fabulous mother-daughter moment.
My relationship with my mother has been a challenge ever since I can remember. There are a handful of memories I cherish - critical lessons she taught me about taking responsibility, getting over a broken heart, and ... well, there are those two, at least. But the fact is that I'm an adult now. I know I've supposedly been one for several years now, but I haven't been. I admit that. I've floundered and faked my way through responsibility - sometimes doing smashingly well and other times failing miserably. But I AM an adult NOW. That is what 40 means to me. And right up there next to my goal of being a better mother is my even more challenging (and up until now virtually impossible) goal of being a better, more patient, more loving, less reactive daughter.
It doesn't matter what I didn't get from my mother that I wish I had gotten. It doesn't matter that she's not the best-friend-who-shares-all-your-secrets kind of mother I've always wished I had. And - as much as it frustrates me - it doesn't matter that she's getting older now, and so all of the annoying things that have frustrated me about her all these years are just being amplified by age. The fact is, she is my mother. And she won't be around forever.
So today - for the first time in what seems like EVER - I was patient with her. When she asked me to "get this" or "do that," even though I was in the middle of something and she had volunteered to watch Jake while I got work done, I got it and did it. Cheerfully, in fact! When she asked the same question for the umpteenth time, I simply answered it. When she got involved with a parenting conversation with my daughter (which drives me nuts because we have very different parenting styles), I just let it go. And then when I was heading to the grocery store and she asked, "What are you going to shop for?" instead of grumpily demanding why the heck it was any of her business, I said simply (and I swear sweetly), "Groceries," to which she responded, "Could you get me some ice cream?" And when she gave me the entire story for why she needed the ice cream (so-and-so is allergic to chocolate so she can't make the chocolate ice cream dessert she was planning to make for Lunch Bunch tomorrow and instead thought she'd make some kind of crisp which I can't remember but she needs ice cream to serve it with and another so-and-so says she always gets her ice cream at Aldi's and they carry Breyers there, didn't you know?) I simply listened and nodded and said, "Sure - do you want the Breyers?" And when she said, "No - the cheap stuff is fine," I bought the "natural vanilla" stuff that's $.69 more and looks like it's imitating Breyers, though it's really NOT Breyers, and I didn't correct her when I got home regarding the fact that Aldi did not, in fact, actually have Breyers - I just put it in the freezer and thanked her for being there all afternoon to help with Jake.
And it was a good day. Which is fabulous because my mother and I don't have enough good days.
The bottom line is that I can't change my mother, and I really don't want to NOT have a mother - so I have to change me. Luckily, today I did that.
Now the goal is to learn to be that patient every time because of course I think we'll ALL be happier if I can achieve that one!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Amazing I didn't pee myself, this made me laugh so hard...
I just received this email in response to my first blog entry:
oh my goodness...I have been debating for the past 20 mins if i should write this email and here I am! uh........Am I the one you were callign an (asshole ) this morning? FUNNY THING..I was right next to you on rte 2 this morning (I had already been to Ken Nelson before 9am) I saw you behind me and i slowed down, so I could wave and two diff times i tried to get your attention, but you never looked over at me..I was going to say happy birthday :).....so if the blue van pissed you off, it was me !!!
hope you had a great day! talk soon.
It's been 15 minutes since I read it, and I'm still LAUGHING! No, my friend - it wasn't you. It was a small, silver car. So my OTHER friend - the one IN the small, silver car, I will now apologize for offending you. Really it was entertaining to me. But not as entertaining as this email. I'd better be cautious with the blog since I live in such a small town, huh? Hmmmm....
oh my goodness...I have been debating for the past 20 mins if i should write this email and here I am! uh........Am I the one you were callign an (asshole ) this morning? FUNNY THING..I was right next to you on rte 2 this morning (I had already been to Ken Nelson before 9am) I saw you behind me and i slowed down, so I could wave and two diff times i tried to get your attention, but you never looked over at me..I was going to say happy birthday :).....so if the blue van pissed you off, it was me !!!
hope you had a great day! talk soon.
It's been 15 minutes since I read it, and I'm still LAUGHING! No, my friend - it wasn't you. It was a small, silver car. So my OTHER friend - the one IN the small, silver car, I will now apologize for offending you. Really it was entertaining to me. But not as entertaining as this email. I'd better be cautious with the blog since I live in such a small town, huh? Hmmmm....
It is only the beginning...
Of course it's easy to feel fabulously happy on a day when dozens of friends send you birthday wishes via Facebook, your daughter makes you breakfast in bed, your sister sings to you before you've even gotten up, and one of your very best friends treats you to lunch. Still, one of my major goals for my new life as a forty-something was tested right off the bat today: learning patience. A vehicle on the highway this morning was traveling not-quite-fast-enough in the passing lane, and when the driver sped up just as I swung back into the right lane to pass on the other side, I called him (or was it a her? I didn't pay attention) an asshole. Dang it! But then I laughed -- so that HAS to count as making an improvement to my life, right? Otherwise I would've just continued cursing him - or at least lecturing him (because we all know that drivers of other cars hear us just as well as characters on television do - they just choose not to heed our frustrated reprimands). But since that involves a negative, generally, I guess it can't count as what I did to make today special, though. *SIGH*
Instead, I actually did several small yet intentional things today that all added up to me feeling like maybe - finally! - I'm on the right track for once.
1) I picked up the baby's toys before I left for school, thus insuring I didn't groan when I got home and saw the mess.
2) I commented back on every single post made on my Facebook page, thus truly indulging in the joy of receiving such sweet sentiments and appreciating how many wonderful friends I have - and of course playing with every way to say, "Thank you!" I could possibly think of. (It's a fun new game. I swear!)
3) I made sure I walked into the classroom with positive energy and conveyed encouragement to my students for the papers they're about to write, even though I fear they'll totally suck. (This is based on past experience. They generally DO suck on the first draft. But at least I'm optimistic that they might not suck AS BADLY this time! And of course that's why I make them do revisions.)
4) I returned a phone call to a friend right away. (Yes - this should be the norm. But I'm TERRIBLE at returning calls. I still haven't gotten a hold of the Health Department to schedule my son's next shot appointment, and the nurse left a message a WEEK ago.)
5) I enthusiastically thanked my parents and daughter for their extremely unenthusiastic rendition of the "Happy Birthday" song with which they lamely serenaded me as I entered my parents' house after work. (Since all my mother has to do is breathe in order to irritate me, this IS a big deal. I'm not usually very nice in response, I hate to admit.)
6) I'm going to cuddle on the couch with my daughter and watch a movie right now instead of staying on the computer wasting time or trying to get work done that CAN wait until tomorrow because if there's one thing I want to do more than anything else to be a better person, it's to be a great mom to my totally deserving kids.
7) And, later, I'm going to go to my exercise and dance classes and put extra effort into every move and laugh and shake my tushy and just generally enjoy how flexible and energetic this forty-year-old body still feels.
But for now, it's movie time.
Not a bad way to spend my 40th, I'd have to say. :o)
Instead, I actually did several small yet intentional things today that all added up to me feeling like maybe - finally! - I'm on the right track for once.
1) I picked up the baby's toys before I left for school, thus insuring I didn't groan when I got home and saw the mess.
2) I commented back on every single post made on my Facebook page, thus truly indulging in the joy of receiving such sweet sentiments and appreciating how many wonderful friends I have - and of course playing with every way to say, "Thank you!" I could possibly think of. (It's a fun new game. I swear!)
3) I made sure I walked into the classroom with positive energy and conveyed encouragement to my students for the papers they're about to write, even though I fear they'll totally suck. (This is based on past experience. They generally DO suck on the first draft. But at least I'm optimistic that they might not suck AS BADLY this time! And of course that's why I make them do revisions.)
4) I returned a phone call to a friend right away. (Yes - this should be the norm. But I'm TERRIBLE at returning calls. I still haven't gotten a hold of the Health Department to schedule my son's next shot appointment, and the nurse left a message a WEEK ago.)
5) I enthusiastically thanked my parents and daughter for their extremely unenthusiastic rendition of the "Happy Birthday" song with which they lamely serenaded me as I entered my parents' house after work. (Since all my mother has to do is breathe in order to irritate me, this IS a big deal. I'm not usually very nice in response, I hate to admit.)
6) I'm going to cuddle on the couch with my daughter and watch a movie right now instead of staying on the computer wasting time or trying to get work done that CAN wait until tomorrow because if there's one thing I want to do more than anything else to be a better person, it's to be a great mom to my totally deserving kids.
7) And, later, I'm going to go to my exercise and dance classes and put extra effort into every move and laugh and shake my tushy and just generally enjoy how flexible and energetic this forty-year-old body still feels.
But for now, it's movie time.
Not a bad way to spend my 40th, I'd have to say. :o)
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